Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts

Prepare yourself - this ain't pretty

And I don't mean Tori Spelling's impression of Sonny & Cher (which is also APPALLING).
This is a music video that Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott made for their reality show NoToriOus, about their magical relationship being "so in love".

Watch and marvel, suffice to say, Tori Spelling cannot sing.



Nor can either of them write music lyrics, to save themselves. Its just.....I can't even describe..... you have to watch it yourself. And then feel like slitting your wrists, I just can't do it for you.
(and see how they're exploiting their baby at the start, and end, and yet it disappears for the rest of the video? And who are they kidding with the guitars? I don't beleive for a second that Tori knows how to play more than the two chords they gave her-see how she struggles with even them?)

Why care What Not To Wear

I don't watch "What not to wear" by Trinny and Susannah. I'll say that first off.

What I don't understand though, if why ANYONE would listen to them, as they go out themselves in some atrocious gear!
1 ~ Perfectly nice grey suit, if a little too flared in the pant, but with a PRINT DRESS over the top!
Green dress over white shirt. Not the end of the world, but just not neccessary!
2 ~ Solo Trinny, in her best impersonation of an Irish Tablecloth. See here for larger image. You'll also find the green is sequinned!
3 ~ I think this is meant to be a promo image. As such, I can only assume that Trinny is "What NOT, and Susannah is "What TO". Honestly, I love hot pink more than most, but even I don't go around shoving it under leopard print and expect a good result! Susannah is making her look like a teenager run amok in Supre.

4 ~ These are all the wonder full Trinny. Playing Beattie Bow??
5 ~ A taffeta creation, in a homage to M*A*S*H- for that formal event in the Mess Hall. Leave your weapons at the door; they ruin the line of the gown.
6 ~ Red sack? Hey, its ok, we all have fat days sometimes.

*Scream* Get them off Tv! How can they be advising anyone!

Has Foxtel taken over? Or is it simply spin marketing


I get the feeling my household (ok there's two of us) is part of an ever-shrinking demographic.
Somehow gradually it feels like people who don't have Pay Tv (what Australian's call "cable") are being pushed into the outer, in mainstream media.
Are we really so backward because we don't have it? We're still of the mindset that having Pay tv (hereafter referred to as Foxtel, since its the main provider) is a luxury, not a neccessity. Unlike the impression I get from US programming, Free-to-air isn't that bad in Oz. At least, I should preface that with "during prime time (6pm-10.30pm)". I'm sure daytime and 2am programming is better on Foxtel than free-to-air, but when I lived at home I frequently found we watched Free-to-air, not Foxtel, during prime-time anyway.

I can only assume, with the barrage of advertising for shows, on channels we don't get, that we must be a minority now, rather than a majority.

Some examples recently

  • Pay Tv has its own awards here, much like the Daytime Emmy's in the US I imagine. That's fine and all, except they're also encroaching on The Logies, with Love my Way winning Best series for 2007 (Channel W).
  • Then in 2008, both Best Actor and Actress were from Shows on Foxtel channels- Stephen Curry for The King (TV1) and Alison Whyte on Satisfaction, (Showcase). They don't even have a "Subscription" category, they just take over Free-to-air!

But I digress.

So what the cold hard facts of the matter? Are we a minority or a majority? Is Free-to-air dying a slow and painful death?
Well in 2005 :
Free TV exists in 99% of Australian homes, with 67% of Australians owning two or more TVs. Pay TV penetration has remained fairly stable (at around 24%) despite the publicity push that came with the launch of Foxtel’s digital offering in March last year.
This is an interesting look at how the introduction of "digital" Foxtel affected the rate at which households took it up. (And where's the other 1%? People that live in boxes?)
The common misconception is that half of TV’s entire viewing audience is watching pay TV, but that figure only identifies “eyeballs” within pay homes. 75% of homes do not have pay TV.

“I find agency chiefs and clients saying, ‘Well pay TV has 50% of the audience’. No it hasn’t. It’s got 50% of viewing of the households who do switch on to pay TV,” Allen explains.
Aha. So Foxtel are simply spinning their figures to make it look like "everyone" has Pay-Tv. When in reality, only a quarter of homes do, and of that quarter, they watch Free-to-air HALF the time!
That's not a stat to be proud of really, no wonder they're not waving it around.

A more recent stat, as at June 07 (most recent figures from the Australian Film Commission) 2,082,128 households had some form of Pay-tv.
This is a penetration of approximately 26 per cent of all Australian households.
So not much growth in 2006. Who knows what Pay-tv will do in the future however, as in DEC 1995, stats were as such

Foxtel 2,000

Optus 1,000

Austar

0

Australis Media

62,000

=

65,000


One can assume Austar didn't quite exist yet, and another company altogether (since gone bust) had the lions share.

Vastly different to the breakdown even in 2000

703,000

220,000

421,000

-

=

1,344,000


So if in Dec 2000 there were 1,344,000 subscribers, and in June 2007 there were 2,082,128 it stands to reason there will be another 700, 000 subscribers by 2014, give or take population growth, and not applying any other principle to the formula. That's what, 7% I think of the population. Not exactly exploding then is it?

So. We're NOT in the minority because we don't have Foxtel. The way the figures are going in fact, we may never get Foxtel.

So why does it feel like everyone BUT us has Foxtel? Because they're sneaky. Because they WANT us to feel like we're the ones left out. Damn marketing genius.
OR, maybe we're simply in an affluent area. I'm leaning toward the marketing.

Do you have pay tv?
Do you want it if you don't?
If you DO, do you feel its really worth it? From what I can see, we'd be looking at a price per month of AT LEAST $88.80. That's $1065.60 a year. My gym membership costs less than that!

Flight of the conchords

The first I ever heard of this show was a link to the video "Business Time" which I thought I had embedded here somewhere, as it was the funniest thing ever, but apparently not....
Here it is, for its hilarity, once (again)


Yay! Very funny.*

After I saw this, I saw a few other songs of theirs (which may or may not have involved a drunken laptop You Tube search), and so I was rather pleased to see that Channel Ten would be running the show Sunday night. Annoyingly run at 10.10pm, the Einsteins at Channel Ten programming have moved it, to 10.40pm. Awesome guys. THANKS. Really, where should I send the box of Roses?

Anywho, so it was one of the kind of shows where I was actually kind of hesitant to watch it, because I really wanted to love it. I SO wanted to find it funny. This has happened to me before, especially when someone recommends a show or a movie to you, because "you'll love it". Well I know I already kind of loved the songs from FOTC. Its the kind of show that I think can be very hit or miss. Other shows I love that don't necessarily hit the mark with everyone : The Young Ones, Black Books. These two particular examples, M doesn't really like at all. Its all a bit bewildering for him when we go off and start quoting them. (Because aren't the best shows the quotable ones?).
And British comedy seems to be the funniest overall too doesn't it?
Well, FOTC is New Zealanders, making fun of Aussies, interspersed with jarring American accents and stereotypes, since they live in New York.

So after the first few episodes, and I was so relieved to find I did really like it, and I do find it funny. LOL funny, chuckle funny, and WTF funny. For M, its a Miss, he's not that fussed with it.

*The episode that this song features in, is showing THIS Sunday night and while its too late to watch now (It's a School Night!), I will be taping it, for future hilarity.

TV's top 25 Insults

BlackAdder- "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce?"

Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers.
To Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"

Roseanne Conner - Roseanne.
To husband Dan: "Your idea of romance is popping the can away from my face."

Carla - Cheers.
Cliff: "I'm ashamed God made me a man."
Carla: "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it either."

Jim Royle - The Royle Family.
Nana: "Is this hat too far forward?"
Jim: "No. We can still see your face."

Malcolm Tucker - The Thick Of It.
To a junior minister: "All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!"

Patsy Stone - Absolutely Fabulous.
"One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."

Inspector Monkfish - The Fast Show.
To a bereaved woman: "I realise this must be a very difficult time for you, so put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea."

No Offence - The Fast Show.
"I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring which, given your age, means you're divorced or a lesbian."

Rupert Rigsby - Rising Damp.
To lodger Alan, who complains his room is too cold to study in: "The only thing you study is your navel. You even shave lying down."

Nan - The Catherine Tate Show.
Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.'
So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."'

Statler and Waldorf - The Muppet Show.
Statler: "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show."
Waldorf: "Who's a fool? You watched it."

The Professor - The Mary Whitehouse Experience.
"I have here a copy of your book, Origins of the Crimean War. It smells of poo."
"That's because it's been inside your mum's bra."

Dr Perry Cox - Scrubs.
Dr Elliot Reid: "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men altogether."
Dr Cox: "Then on behalf of men everywhere - and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in little mud huts - let me be the first to say thanks and hallelujah."

Dr Gregory House - House. "You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to stop thinking."

Gary Strang - Men Behaving Badly.
"Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is if you're both marooned on a desert island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex."

Arnold Rimmer - Red Dwarf.
"Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence."

Larry David - Curb Your Enthusiasm.
"Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."

Sam Tyler - Life On Mars.
To Gene Hunt: "I think you've forgotten who you're talking to."
Sam: "An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?"

**I would like to add my own from The Young Ones
Rik: "Why don't you like me?"
Vyv: "Because you're a complete bastard and we all hate you"**
Hilarious show, devvo that it didn't make the list.
{From memory, and couldn't find online to verify}

Those crazy celebrity kids

Tom Cruise is nuts. This we know. This we take as fact.
***I always thought this image made it look like he was about to pounce on Oprah, kind of like some crazed cannibal.

New controversial-unauthorised-fame-hack-book aside, the Church of Scientology is trying to stop circulation of a video of Cruisey being fanatical. Gawker is the only site left still willing to host it, even after You Tube took it down.

As Gawker states
The Hollywood actor, star of movies such as Mission Impossible, is a complete fanatic. "When you're a Scientologist, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you're the only one who can really help... We are the way to happiness. We can bring peace and unite cultures." There's much much more.
Let me put it this way: if Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch was an 8 on the scale of scary, this is a 10.
See the video on Gawker here. (hey I ain't risking a lawsuit when they're apparently so quick to sue)

And his wife, she's just plain boring now. Mia Freedman asks the question, is Katie Holmes/Cruise now a femme bot?

I ask, who is more wooden-Katie Holmes/Cruise - or Kim Watkins from 9am?
You decide. Here she is on Letterman, with him apparently desperately trying not to talk about the new book, or Scientology. I mean really, whats left? Does Suri pee often? How does she find mushy peas? And do you miss Gordon's Creek (His joke, not mine)
This interview is arguably worse than the Larry King Paris Hilton post-jail interview



And who knew Eddie Murphy had five more kids on top of the Scary Spice spawn?

It won't happen to me.....

In Sydney's Northern Beaches, the local paper, The Manly Daily in recent times has been focused a lot on a local girl, Annabel Catt, who died from taking a version of Ecstasy. You may be familiar with the coverage when the ABC came under fire earlier this year for airing a show, Summer Heights High, with a similar storyline to Catt's death.

This has been a very emotional issue for the local community, as she was young, only 20, and it has sparked a campaign by her family to try to raise more awareness of the issue, in the same manner as Anna Wood's death did. Anna wood was only 15 when she died, and it was a wake up call to a community that was probably pretending drugs were something junkies did, not schoolgirls. Interestingly, Anna Wood's father thinks its more likely the ABC SHH program was based on his daughter.

Anna Wood would have been 27 now, the same age as my brother.

When I was in Year 8 at school, I was what, 15/16 myself? We actually went to school with the son of Bronwyn Donaghy, who wrote Anna's Story, which is a non-fiction account, posthumously written by taking accounts from her friends and family.
Mrs Donaghy came to a camp we had and spoke about her experience, 3 years earlier, in meeting the Wood family (whom she previously had no connection with) and sharing their pain in losing their daughter in such a senseless way.
The message of the talk was that drugs can kill, and "party" drugs aren't benign, you never know what's in them and the effects can be devastating.

Unfortunately behind the scenes, for 100 school kids, the message was also "what an idiot" and "as if you wouldn't call an ambulance". Everyone walked away thinking, consciously or unconsciously, It Won't Happen To Me.

This week, Annabel Catt's family are trying to raise awareness about drugs, by visiting a primary school to launch the "Keep Aussie Kids Safe" campaign being run by Life Education Australia at all primary. They feel if they share their pain with primary school children and their parents across the nation, they can help others. This is a noble action, and would be great, if it worked.

The problem with these talks, vital as they are, is that they don't really work, and this is the biggest hurdle facing drug education. The most effective lessons about drugs are learnt the hard way- through experience.

It makes me wonder whether the "It Won't Happen To Me" mentality ever goes away. Or does it simply become "It Won't Happen To Us" when we have our own children. When does it develop? I am sure that on some level, primary school age children are still thinking that with "heroes" like Ben Cousins and Andrew Johns popping pills, that if they try one, It Won't Happen To Them. And why wouldn't they?

I'm not saying teenagers are going to be exposed to drugs and they won't have any power to stop them, being the mindless idiots that they are. That's not what I'm saying at all.
But this mentality permeates society and permeates all of our thinking, without really asking for it, because Bad Things Don't Happen To Good People.
And as far as we're all concerned, since we aren't Saddam Hussein, we are all Good People.

People feel sorry for families like the Catt's and the Woods, but secretly they think something "must be wrong in that family". Maybe they don't eat at the table together, maybe their kids are latchkey kids, whatever people's measure of normal, and "right" is, they suspect when something horrendous happens, it must be something in the way the children were raised. This isn't neccessarily true, no matter how children are raised, everyone knows the phrase, Curiosity Killed the Cat. Curiosity is a natural, human reaction to new things.

Annabel Catt's friends, I can guarantee you, will still be taking drugs. Their friend is DEAD, and they'll still be out, popping pills "to deal with it". Because even though it DID happen to their friend, It still Won't Happen To Me.

101 Starlicious Makeovers

Oh dear god did anyone else end up watching this drivel on Tv last night? The worst thing about it was Kate Fischer's horrid wooden hosting, closely followed by its redundancy. I didn't realise until I went hunting this morning that it was made in 2004. I realised it was out of date when they got to Anna Nicole Smith and they spoke in the present tense. Other key indicators: not mentioning Britney Spears' spectacular fall from grace and lack of skank talk about the Olsen twins.
Kate Fischer though, was just appalling. She kept sort of tossing her head around, a bit like a horse. And she had this awful hair and this white suit jacket which her breasts seemed determined to spill out of in a most unseemly fashion. Each ad break would yeild this horrible short with her and her arched eyebrows and high hair and ever imposing breasts. Awful.

Our idol fug conversation

becuase I thought it was amusing that some guy got paid by Tv Week to blog his blow by blow thoughts on the Finale, I give you, the text conversation between Re and I during the finale.

(RE) 8.50 Idol Fug! the little girl is wearing some lovely diamonds, black dress and purple footless tights! WHY!

(Me) 8.52 I Know! we said the same thing!

8.54 haha a day of fug

8.56 but...but...*splutters* she has a stylist!

8.58 fuck do you see that polka dot thing!

8.59 Are those stonewash jeans?

9.03 eh gad(sic) this isn't going to be pretty

9.04 Denim dress! Sleeveless man shirt!

9.15 I had to get rid of it. Andrew looks awful in that shiny suit thing

9.17 She almost matches!

9.19 haha well why not

9.22 wonder if she has another costume change in break.

9.22 probably she's only had two so far lol

9.23 who has your vote?

9.23 the boy i think, gotta love an accent!

9.25 Yeah baby. Are those studs on the back of that jacket?

9.26 he got your vote? oh jesus i hope not turn around love haha

9.31 It may have even been lacing, and i love em both!

9.54 surely that isn't the end of the fug?

10.02 haha i gave up watching. tell me who wins lol

10.03 Tights under purple hot pants!

10.05 oh i see! no that's terrible. see another costume change. they will be too tired to sing.

10.06 And she'll change again now. So Shiny.

10.13 pancake boobs

(this after announcement made) 10.14 a disgrace to mammories everywhere! go damo! god speak english buddy lol

10.16 Haha Say Anything!

10.16 eh ah eh too be sure to be sure

10.20 Alicia is predicting Emo idol.

10.23 do

10.25 God kill me

10.24 lol that was supposed to be ew... fuckin emos haha

Close out....

Eternia will be ours!!

I don't know why it surprises me, but there is a website devoted entirely to He-Man and She-ra. There are Galleries, headings such as Eternian News, Ten Commandments, Petitions and Campaigns, and interestingly, Christian Response to Moral Issues. Now maybe I'm thinking of a different children's cartoon, but I didn't think there were any Moral Issues. What, is transforming of people and animals (tiger and horse respectively) just too much for Jesus? I think people are reading a little too much into this, I mean really, it's just fantasy.
Umm, and I've just actually clicked onto the "Ten Commandments" button, and they're the actual Commandments. I was expecting a bit of "Thou shalt not wear any kind of thigh covering device", but no, it's all "though shalt kill" and stuff. Creepy.

Omg! In the "Action Figures" section-


It's my Crystal Castle!! I think this might still be under the House at HAH's as well... Seriously Awesome though. I remember all the horses and the girl with the "evil side" whose head spun around with two different expressions. She wore Green.

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