What Colour is your Parachute?

You may or may not have heard of this book before. Apparently its quite popular.
You may have noticed it in the sidebar, but only briefly, as I'd say I only read it for about three or four days. And I didn't finish it. *sigh* I always hate admitting that. Its like it defeated me. I even tried to skip bits to see if that helped. It didn't.

So why did I stop reading? I didn't realise it was a book on how to find a job. I know that might sound silly, look at the titles all over the cover. BUT when I found it on Ronnie Ann's site I thought it was going to be more a book on how to figure out what you're passionate about and what you really want to do in life. Not really though, and there's whole chunks about how to start a business, which is also not a road I'm interested in even investigating at this time.

The other reason I want to briefly mention, as a reader, this book was crazy~! There's even a whole disclaimer at the beginning about how its not grammatically correct and the punctuation is all wrong. I should have known then.

He had parts
of the book kind of
written
like this.

I'm sure it had some
purpose, even if the
only purpose was to simply
entertain
him.

But it annoyed the crap out of me, and smacked of indulgence by the publishers of an author going crazy with each reprint of the book. Anyway, not for me, because I'm not really looking for a job. I was just a bit interested to see what it said.

Not much
apparently.

I'm putting
this into "books
I've read" even though
I haven't
quite.

poll by twiigs.com

Skills you can't put on your resume

We've all got them. Things that you're good at, talents we have that no one cares about for the most part. Usually they won't get you anywhere in life. Forget about putting them on your resume, and don't rush out and register your ABN in a hurry; this skill simply isn't marketable, because no one would ever pay you to do it.

Some skills of mine I'm particularly proud of, but are essentially a giant waste of head space:

~ I can learn the words to a song on the radio relatively quickly. I find myself really listening to songs, hearing the words so I can sing them back later.
This translates into driving along in the car, singing along to songs my husband says he's never even heard before. (In the same vein, I can remember the words to songs years later, and sing along quite well. I have no idea where these talents come from, as I wouldn't class myself as musically inclined at ALL.)
~ I can unpack my trolley onto the conveyer belt at the supermarket into shopping bag sections. I line up everything as I take it out of the trolley, and if I watch as the checkout person packs it, they can go along the belt and pack it exactly like I unloaded.
* pet hate #423- When they ignore my belt layout and shove everything in every which-way. Grr! >:-Z

I'm sure there are millions out there - Perhaps the ability to slice a cucumber perfectly straight, and yet no other vegetables (making you a useless Chef). Perhaps you can perfectly time your coast to the red traffic light so that you don't have to fully stop? I knew a guy who, when he changed lanes with those little bumpy dots, he could time it perfectly to avoid them.

What are yours?

Resume blunders

~ “I am great with the pubic.”
~ A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
~ One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
~ Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”
~ “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border” (there's standing out, and there's the patently ridiculous)

From Ask Annie

~ “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

Yahoo Hot Jobs

~ “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
~ “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
~ “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
~ “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
~ “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
~ “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
~ “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

Humour Matters.com

~ Interests: “Gossiping.”
~ Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.” (This sounds like one I could use....)
~ Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.” (hmmm)
~ Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
~ Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”
~ Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
~ Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
~ Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

~ References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”
~ Achievements: “First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.”
~ Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”
~ Experience: “I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around.” (Hmmm, while consulting?)
~ Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.” (Doing tequila body shots by the sounds of it)
~ Experience: “My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.”
~ Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

Resumania’s Archive:

JobMob Top 10

1. Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.” (Resumania)
2. A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages” (Ask Annie’s)
3. Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” (Resumania)
4. In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” she wrote “911.” (Ask Annie’s)
5. Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager’s gift. (Careerbuilder.com)
6. Languages: “Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.” (Resumania)
7. “Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.” (ResumePower.com)
8. On one of our applications, a girl wrote ” I’m 16, I’m pregnant and I can do anything.” At the same time she turned in her application, her boyfriend handed in his. On his: “Felony for breaking and entering.” (Ask Annie’s)
9. “One candidate included clipart on their resume of two cartoons shaking hands.” (Ask Annie’s)
10. Application: “On the line that asked what “sex” he was, he wrote “occassionally”.” (Ask Annie’s)