Prepare yourself - this ain't pretty

And I don't mean Tori Spelling's impression of Sonny & Cher (which is also APPALLING).
This is a music video that Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott made for their reality show NoToriOus, about their magical relationship being "so in love".

Watch and marvel, suffice to say, Tori Spelling cannot sing.

Nor can either of them write music lyrics, to save themselves. Its just.....I can't even describe..... you have to watch it yourself. And then feel like slitting your wrists, I just can't do it for you.
(and see how they're exploiting their baby at the start, and end, and yet it disappears for the rest of the video? And who are they kidding with the guitars? I don't beleive for a second that Tori knows how to play more than the two chords they gave her-see how she struggles with even them?)

Your boyfriend did WHAT to your boob?

*shudder* Some people should be kept in padded rooms for their own protection.

Medical Supply Call Center
California, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My left boob popped.”

Me: “Okay, so the implant failed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are your implants silicone gel or saline?”

Customer: “The water kind.”

Me: “So, we’ve had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated.”

Customer: “Why, don’t you believe me?”

Me: “Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device’s warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant’s leak.”

Customer: “Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?”

Me: “Wait, wait. First, I didn’t make your implant, my company did. I’m here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated.”

Customer: “So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it’s my fault?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you’ll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?”

Customer: “Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them… what do you call those little glowing lights? It’s like three letters?”

Me: “… A diode?”

Customer: “Yes. He’s a trained professional… he uses them on animals at his job all the time.”

Me: “So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?”

Customer: “Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn’t hurt. He numbed it first.”

Me: “… And this is the implant’s fault, how?”

Customer: “It started leaking and getting flat.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I’m recording this and no one is going to believe me!”

Customer: *click*

Australian School Captain Graduation blunder

This Gary Rego guy sounds like a tool. He's blasting the Principal and acting Principal in his speech at a Graduation dinner, and now he's got to sit his HSC at another school. Clever idea, idiot. Listen to his speech here.

This is the swimsuit I want

SUNSET HAZE by Seafolly
Part of their summer late release,
alas, I have difficulty beleiving my breasts will fit into it. *sigh*

Impressions of Belfast

UPDATED - Full Post below
*Disclaimer - I mean no offence to anyone in this post, this is simply the observations and impressions of a tourist
So irritating, I had this entire post trying to publish when IE and Blogger shit themselves and it deleted all the text.
So. Belfast was not what I expected and the beautiful sunny day did even more to make the experience surreal. We did a Black Cab Tour, where an ordinary taxi comes and picks you up, and then he drives you to the "trouble spots" and gives a good background and narrative of the events in the areas. Highly recommend it if you go to Belfast.
Belfast Black Cab Tour- Protestant Murals
This is a wide shot of the Protestant area's murals. There must be 15 or so within sight of the spot this photo is taken on.
Belfast Black Cab Tour- Protestant Murals (5)
I thought this mural was weird, as its essentially commemorating a United Freedom Fighter (UFF) Commander, who is known to have perpetrated some of the attacks on Catholics. I couldn't help but wonder if the families of the dead found it offensive.
Interestingly though, you'll note the year he died, 2000, after the ceasefire, he was killed in retaliation to an attack from the UHF, or, HIS OWN SIDE. The two Protestant factions are now squabbling with each other for control of that modern scourge, the Belfast Drug Trade.
The Peace Wall/ Peace Line -
Belfast Black Cab Tour - Peace Wall (4)
I've really struggled to articulate for myself what the impact the Peace Wall had upon me. Words like creepy, bizarre are bandied about in my head. I just find it baffling really. Even having seen it, I still struggle to relate it to how their everyday lives must be.
I mean, who wants to live near a giant wall for your own safety? But as the driver said, politicians can't pull it down, the people that live with it and near it have to want to pull it down. They don't seem in any rush though.
There's even these massive iron/steel automatic gates that close at night. During the day passage is unhindered between each side, but at 10pm these big sheet doors automatically close and you have to go all the way round, for kilometres in parts, to get to the other side.
Belfast Black Cab Tour - Catholic Side of Peace Wall, cages to protect the houses from bombs
This shot is from the Catholic side, where the houses are built right up to the wall. The cages are built onto the back of the homes so that if and when projectiles are tossed over the wall, they roll off the cage and land at the base of the concrete wall. So if said "projectile" explodes, the wall bears the brunt of the explosion, not the home, saving lives. Yep, thats bombs we're talking about.

Belfast was impacting because of how recent the events are that were discussed. That people go to war about whether they're part of the United Kingdom or not strikes me as weird. I couldn't help but wonder how different would their lives really be if they joined the Republic of Ireland in the south and became their own country. Why does it matter so much?
I suppose I just can't see Australian's caring so much about anything that didn't involve a bat, ball, pool or stadium.

Pop tarts are back!

pop tart's back!, originally uploaded by dataceptionist.

Woot Woot! I bought these at the Fruit Shop near work today! So excited.

I previously blogged about the lack of Pop Tart action in Oz So very pleased to know they are available again. Nothing like not being able to have something to make you want it!

Afternoon Tea here I come *shoves fruit out of the way*

Sorry! I AM Home, I swear

POSTs TO FOLLOW... as soon as I get a chance to write them....

I will whet your appetite however by putting the titles up....

I'll change the date of each post as it's published so it will show at the top of the page immediately after posting.

Love at first Wii

*Girl in picture may not be a true and accurate representation of how I look Wii-ing
We bought a Wii, and a Wii-Fit, and they're completely awesome. Our first Wii-related experience was at a friends place a week ago. They'd borrowed it and we had a play, and it seemed horribly fun and wholesome. So when M unexpectedly received a $500 David Jones Gift Card, we thought we were set for towels, sheets and Cd's-why not treat ourselves to something completely impulsive? A Wii!

Having no idea how much they cost we trundled off to DJ's, looked at it for the grand total of four seconds before saying "we'll take it!"
Wii-Fit was an equally "slow" decision, and before we knew it we became the owners of something utterly ridiculous for people in their mid-twenties.

Aren't console games for children?

So we set it up Thursday night when we got home, and promptly got Tennis-Elbow, and Baseball-Pitching-Shoulder injuries. The Wii-Fit was set-up yesterday and has already given me a sore lower back.
I'm sure it will all work out though, thats the point right? I'm going to strengthen my core through Yoga, increase my posture through Balance Exercises. Who knew balancing would be so fun though? One of the games you have to "head" a soccerball repeatedly, while it gets faster and faster and they start throwing shoes at your head. Hilarious!

I have been warned by a friend that Wii-Fit can be very judgemental, and I already disappointed my trainer by taking my hands off the Balance Board, giving me a score of Zero for that exercise :(
The exercise was really hard but!
And if I had previously wondered if I should put away all breakables in our home, in the vicinity of the Wii-Playing-Arena (aka our living room) this website, Wii Have a Problem, with detailed stories of Wii-damage and injuries has convinced me.
Look out for the 1/ the screen you can buy for your plasma to protect it when you throw the controller at the TV...2/ pictures of A guy who took out his cat and 3/ pictures of a Large glass orb shaped Ceiling Light, before and after....
Which reminds me of the first Wii-Injury we saw first hand, perpetrated by M.
He was boxing with his mate, getting very into it, and went in for a torso punch, meaning he punched around his hips, except he was so busy looking at the screen he didn't notice his 18-month old godson and smacked him fair in the back of the head, resulting in plenty of tears. His Dad assured us he wasn't really hurt, it was just the shock. I tell you I think I'd be pretty shocked if M punched me square in the back of the head too!

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

European Holiday Wrap-up

Favourite spots, worst spots, and any other random stories I can conjure up.
Working on a "best of" Photo Album on my Flickr page, so will try to co-incide the post with the album completion so I can link to it.
Some "top shots" to be included at the very least.

Let's Make Melbourne Cup Day a National Holiday

^ SIGN THE PETITION by clicking the link Above ^

Home again home again jig-edd-y-jig

Ahh where to begin. Our journey has ended, and we’re home again.
Why don’t they serve the food in accordance with where you’re going instead of where you’ve come from? Doesn’t that make sense to anyone else but me? I’d prefer breakfast in the AM time of the destination, which I’m trying to eventually acclimatize to.
Pleasantly surprised we weren’t over-weight with our baggage, which I thought was almost a certainty. Although, we did have a small wheelie carry on, a backpack, my handbag, the laptop AND a secondary bag full off “stuff” all as carry on bags.
I wish we’d had more time. I wish we could go back with the benefit of hindsight and give ourselves another 2 weeks at the end. We could have spent a week in each country exploring all the little nooks and crannies and the hidden gems.
There’s so much to see, and you miss so much. We didn’t see the “page” of Kells (so named as you only get to view two pages of the Book of Kells; the oldest book so far discovered and its an illustrated copy of the Bible.
We didn’t see The Magna Carta.
We didn’t see Dyfed, which I had hoped to visit.
We didn’t go in to Penryn castle in Gwynedd, because it was 12 quid or something p/p and it was too expensive.
We accidentally missed seeing the Castle in the Harry Potter movies, that features as Hogwarts. 
We didn’t see “Britain’s most beautiful beach”, which I suppose isn’t a patch on a Sydney beach anyways…
We could have spend weeks just in Wales, which apparently has more castles than any other country in the entire world. Plus they obviously care about preserving them/making money from them, as they’re well maintained, unlike all the numerous “ruins” we saw everywhere in Ireland.
You could spend every minute you have traveling just along the coastline of all these countries. Perhaps I feel that way because beautiful coastline can simply take my breath away.
I wish we’d had more time to spend (a week?) in the Scottish Highlands. I loved them, my second favourite place from the trip, and that was quite unexpected for me. I mean, you know you’re going to these places to “see the countryside” and everything, but it was amazing. We were there late afternoon, and dusk, and I just wanted to pull the car up and stay forever. The lochs, and the mountains, I hope I return some day.
We spent a day chasing Hadrian’s Wall. We weren’t to realize that it sits several 100 metres from the roadside. Should you wish to go and see it, prepare to hike over to it, its not set up for a quick photo op, and having spent 5 hours trying to find it and stuffing about, we ran out of time for the 4 hour round trip walk along it, which would have been fantastic. Next time!
We spent over 2 hours in Bath trying to get a hotel room, having not realized we’d be there on a Saturday night, and its clearly a hopping town for a weekend away from London. Having found a Starbucks, and PAID for Wi-Fi (After seeing free wi-fi all the other times we didn’t need it of course) we paid for an hour, knowing they were only open for 25 minutes more, because we were getting desperate and had to get online to find a room ( for the evening. We arrived in Bristol (a short 15 min drive from Bath) to a wonderful Mercure hotel for a bargain ₤69. Then, due to a stuff up in the restaurant with their receipt printing, we received a (very late) but Very free dinner, which was exquisite.
We DID visit the Roman Baths @ Bath and they were amazing.
We DID stand astride the Meridian Line @ Greenwich AND got a certificate.
We DID go to Stonehenge on a gorgeous 21°C day with blue skies, on a Sunday (didn’t think that through!) When you’re a tourist days mean little though and its easy to lose track.
We DID fluke being at Windsor Castle in front of Victoria Barracks when the changing of the guard marched out and we walked all the way to the Castle with them which was hilariously fun. We then also had to RUN back to find where we’d parked the car as we’d been looking for Tourist Information when we chanced upon the Barracks, and had only put half and hours worth of parking in the meter. 
Didn’t expect to have to remove my boots twice at Heathrow Airport which was annoying! Having only just put them back on from walking through the Security point, they have another check where the sole purpose is to make you take your shoes off. Very strange.
So, very depressing to come home to open piles of mail, including one from our home loan lender that our mortgage is about to go through the roof (as of tomorrow!) since our fixed period ends then. Annoying!
Oh and BTW- I've just clicked over the 700 post mark!

Things I hate about Hotels

The water save stickers/cards you find in EVERY hotel bathroom now
So much water is wasted in the hotel industry every day for washing...... towels on the floor mean please replace them, towels on the rail mean I will use them again…thank you for your cooperation in helping the environment…

Now clearly I have nothing against this policy, but I am thoroughly sick of housekeeping ignoring the pre-arranged signals! We hang our towels up every day mostly out of habit, and I couldn’t care less to be using the towel more than one day, we certainly use them for longer than that at home! Housekeeping have changed them every day, in every hotel we’ve stayed in, regardless of where we put them.

Housekeeping taking the spare key card
we have left in the electricity slot, meaning the power stops running while we’re out of the room and charging the laptop/camera battery/AIR CONDITIONING!!!

Housekeeping throwing away the single cake of cheap
(-see below) soap we’ve unwrapped and only used three times to wash our hands. What a waste.

! – hell we don’t need to get used to this, no one’s tidying the room and making my bed after I leave the house when we get home!

Tiny showers
and showers that have the head/rose directly above your head. Why oh why do they do this to women? I don’t always want to get my hair wet!

Hotels that don’t provide toiletries.
I never use them, but it would be nice to think they care enough about my comfort to provide them at least. I’m also going to throw in really cheap cakes of soap that leave my hands really dry. I’m not even considering using them anywhere on my body.

NOT having a bar fridge in the room. Its just SO annoying not being able to chill your water or whatever, because for the most part, it doesn’t inspire us to go down and buy your €5 water from your bar, it just annoys us.
(side note- bottled water is REALLY cheap in Europe, like €0.20 for a 1.5L and commonly like €0.30 for a chilled 600mL bottle.)

PET HOTEL HATE #1shoving two singles together without a padded overlay to disguise. We even got beds that had two single flat sheets as well, not even a pretense that it was a double size bed. This was very common in Europe which was a bit annoying.

London; redux

Location Belfast, IRELAND
Weather cold! Avg temp about 10 degrees, but getting used to it 
Local time 8pm 

Well it appears the Punk/ Alternative scene is still very much in style in London. Or at least parts of it. We visited Camden having been recommended to see the markets there. I wish we’d walked as far as the Lock however, as I am a fan of all things water control, not sure why.
Could have owned almost everything I could see, and very much felt like re-joining the Goth scene for all the fantastic Pink and Black clothing you can own. As I said to M, if Sydney was like Camden, I’d never have gone back to “normal”, and clearly part of London never did. Bought a few things, but not all I could have.
The London Eye, and a classic Telephone booth
London in general I have found to be much more “out there” than Sydney. I suppose this is to be expected, but it is still weird to find. There are many more strange looking outfits and combinations that are accepted here without question, and they have well and truly embraced winter/fall fashion for the season, temperatures dropping to the early teens whilst we were there for a few days after the tour. I have bought a myriad of things in London, particularly at a wonderful shop called Primark. Best shop ever. Wish we had one in Sydney, but alas, will have to be content with SES and Temt. Got a fab pair of jeans for only 8 quid!
Some other London highlights, A West End show; The 39 Steps, which we kind of got roped into going to, in that it kept us in London a day or so over what we initially planned, but it ended up being a good time frame as both London Tower and Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace took WAY longer than expected. Changing of the Guard I would not do again, due to the ridiculous crowds (and its late September, certainly not “high season”!) and the push and shove. And the fact that they take a break for the marching band to serenade you with love ballads in the middle of it all?!?!?
Me Buckingham Palace, front side-great weather this day
London Tower was awesome, even though London put on some typical weather for the day by pissing down, we paid a few quid extra and got the Audio guides and managed to spend 4.5 hours there all up. Highlight would certainly have to be seeing The Crown Jewels (and no I don’t mean M pulled down his trousers), which M didn’t realize we were seeing at all. Unfortunately there’s no photography allowed in that area, I would love to show you the incongruously enormous security door that they have in the middle of this medieval building. Until that point I must admit I was getting skeptical that we were going to see THE crown etc, but once I saw the door, it was all ‘on’.
Another big highlight was managing to squeeze in on the last day of the exhibition that was the Summer Opening of the State Rooms at Buckingham Palace. I am REALLY glad we did that, it was just incredible. This year, for the first time (so the guidebook says) they also laid the Grand Ballroom tables as though for a State Dinner, when a Head of State comes to the Palace for dinner (Yeah Hi Liz, look we’re just going to pop around for a bit of a barbie, you put on the snags, we’ll bring the Coleslaw?)
Buckingham Palace was the first place we encountered the self paced Audio guides as they are included in your ticket cost, and they were great. With options to skip or “hear more” they were very informative and are what prompted us to get the one at The Tower.
Me, Buckingham Palace Gardens.
S o yes London was great for a second visit, and I could surely see us being happy to live there, if we so decided (not on the cards quite yet)
Lastly, quick note on London, that I think I saw Prince Harry near Victoria Tube Station, but M doesn’t believe me :P 
Currently sitting on the ferry over to Ireland, (though this will be posted sometime/somewhere later I imagine). Am thoroughly sick of boats and ferrys, this being the……ninth water vessel we’ve been on this trip. Ferry’s have come to mean hours of entertaining oneself, however the last few we caught got to be quite fun with the tour group, with drinks and conversation.
We have our hire car, a Holden/Vauxhall Zafira, which we would be quite happy to own at home for kiddles too (hehehe). We have called her Vauxy, which sounds a bit like Foxy, and the wonderful GPS lady’s name is Tina. She has been ₤10 well spent I can tell you. Ciao for now. :)

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