TV's top 25 Insults

BlackAdder- "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce?"

Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers.
To Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"

Roseanne Conner - Roseanne.
To husband Dan: "Your idea of romance is popping the can away from my face."

Carla - Cheers.
Cliff: "I'm ashamed God made me a man."
Carla: "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it either."

Jim Royle - The Royle Family.
Nana: "Is this hat too far forward?"
Jim: "No. We can still see your face."

Malcolm Tucker - The Thick Of It.
To a junior minister: "All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!"

Patsy Stone - Absolutely Fabulous.
"One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."

Inspector Monkfish - The Fast Show.
To a bereaved woman: "I realise this must be a very difficult time for you, so put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea."

No Offence - The Fast Show.
"I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring which, given your age, means you're divorced or a lesbian."

Rupert Rigsby - Rising Damp.
To lodger Alan, who complains his room is too cold to study in: "The only thing you study is your navel. You even shave lying down."

Nan - The Catherine Tate Show.
Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.'
So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."'

Statler and Waldorf - The Muppet Show.
Statler: "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show."
Waldorf: "Who's a fool? You watched it."

The Professor - The Mary Whitehouse Experience.
"I have here a copy of your book, Origins of the Crimean War. It smells of poo."
"That's because it's been inside your mum's bra."

Dr Perry Cox - Scrubs.
Dr Elliot Reid: "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men altogether."
Dr Cox: "Then on behalf of men everywhere - and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in little mud huts - let me be the first to say thanks and hallelujah."

Dr Gregory House - House. "You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to stop thinking."

Gary Strang - Men Behaving Badly.
"Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is if you're both marooned on a desert island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex."

Arnold Rimmer - Red Dwarf.
"Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence."

Larry David - Curb Your Enthusiasm.
"Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."

Sam Tyler - Life On Mars.
To Gene Hunt: "I think you've forgotten who you're talking to."
Sam: "An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?"

**I would like to add my own from The Young Ones
Rik: "Why don't you like me?"
Vyv: "Because you're a complete bastard and we all hate you"**
Hilarious show, devvo that it didn't make the list.
{From memory, and couldn't find online to verify}

The 185 Manly-City

Have you ever noticed the way people arrive at a bus stop, and they check the timetable in this really ultra casual, not really checking, kind of way? As if to say, oh yeah, I catch buses all the time and stuff, I'm just you know, re-confirming really that the bus will be coming when I expect it.
Its like everyone is trying to impress all the other bus patrons already waiting that they're worthy of catching the bus.
Or maybe that they're secretly being filmed, and that they're pretending they're not really catching a bus at all, and they'll jump on at the last minute.

Biggest Loser

I was an avid watcher last season, and this season has proved to be just as fantastic. I have even managed to do some sit ups a few nights whilst watching. Yay me.

Every show on TV has a website now. Its a bit tedious really, they're always going on and on about the websites. I'm actually one of these hopeless people too that never remembers to go to websites that I might be interested in, I forget. I come to work and I read the same 15 or whatever a week, and unless I need to Google something, I read mostly the same stuff.

I was interested enough however, in trying to get tickets for So You Think You Can Dance Australia, that I went to their website. It helped that the website was easy to remember also. I hate websites for shows when they can't be bothered paying for the domain, or working around it, so it's all www.channelwhateverblah/blahsection/actual show name + some weird letters.
Just give it to me in the .au format guys. (Yeah I'm looking at you Channel 9 and 7, you're so intent on keeping your respective ties to MSN and Yahoo you're confusing the hell outta me!)

Anywho, because I had a REASON to go to the SYTYCDance website, I was enticed to later click the Biggest Loser link to see what it had to offer. I wasn't really expecting much, mostly links to join the Biggest Loser Club, which you have to pay for. I was surprised to find a whole section on Training Tips in video form from the Trainers, which I've found awesome, and tried to work into my workouts already. Yay!
I'm trying to watch them all, but have to be careful cos we're not meant to watch anything that's streams through the net at work.....

I think this season has been extremely responsible in the face of criticisms that it doesn't provide a realistic view of weight loss for people that are obese. Several people have discussed with me at least that there's been a notable increase in the nutritional information provided through the show. I read somewhere that while "everyone loves watching fat people exercise until they throw up" (umm, hello? Not me) the show was lacking other info. Now at least, they're providing realistic ways to help real people, along with the people in the show. You know they got nutritional info previously, you just never got to hear any of it. So now I'm trying to get as much info as possible.

Getting back to criticism of providing a realisitic view to weightloss, I am really angered that Cat White, a previous Biggest Loser contestant, has become the face of Celebrity Slim, a milkshake-meal replacement company. How she can endorse products like "Fat burner Tablets" is beyond belief IMHO. I think as someone who was obese, the last message she should be sending is that these milkshake/soup diets are the answer, instead of healthy eating and exercise.

Sweatshop or cheap shop?

As I gaze down upon my new shoeys, (as we have dubbed them, I don't know what anyone else calls them- cheap Asian shoes made of netting and sequins?....) I can't help but wonder whether my love of two-dollar shops is fueling a sweatshop trade.
I mean, I bought them for $5 a pair, they can't possibly be made for any more than say AUD$1, otherwise there would be no profit margin for the shop selling them, or the exporter, or the maker.

But at the same time as musing over my shopping principals, and whether they are keeping down Aussie industry, I baulk at the thought of paying any more than $5 for them.

How far does a social conscience take you? Should I stop shopping in bargain stores run by immagrants because the items may or may not be produced quite as ethically as they could be?

Whats a girl to do? Would it be worse if I was really into Gucci handbags and paid $600+ for one, when they're probably produced for less than 5% of that?
(sidenote, did you know you buy things called Handbag Hangers? To store and sort your handbags?? Sounds sort of brilliant if you own a lot of bags. That reminds me....still have to sort out my multitude of cheap handbags)

How socially conscience is everyone else when they shop? Am I worrying too much about funding an unjust economic system?

I'm ****king Matt Damon

*WARNING*- *Videos not suitable for LOUD play at work*
Ok, so Jimmy Kimmel is a late night talk show host, and his girlfriend is comedienne Sarah Silverman. They have a couple of running jokes about Matt Damon. This is her hilarious birthday present to him.

hahahaa, I love it.
So when faced with this, what does Jimmy do? What any self-respecting man does- piss higher up the wall and prove he's more famous than she is.

I count- (along with the obvious Ben Affleck) Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Dan Cheadle, Good Charlotte, Macy Gray and my personal favourite, Josh Groban.
Who can you spot?

Oh just go into retirement already

Pop singer Prince - who released his first album in 1978 - is being forced to undergo the surgery at just 49-years-old after suffering excruciating pain as a result of years of blistering performances.

A source told Britain's News of the World newspaper: "For months Prince, who always puts on the most energetic shows, has been complaining of pain every time he moves.

"He is totally crushed because he knows he will never be the same again."

The surgery will involve removing the ball and socket of Prince's damaged hip and replacing it with a titanium joint.

You know your favourite pop stars are aging when you see headlines like "Prince set for 'secret hip replacement'" What, do they think if they put "secret" in the headline it will create interest in a star that essentially getting old and is past his prime? He should take a slice from Sharon Stone's book and try to adopt a new starlet. Or just go bat shit crazy.

By the way, when did he start being Prince again?
What happened to the artist formerly known as Prince?

Man stabbed -Obama v Clinton

If only we were ALL so passionate about our politics......

A US man stabbed his relative after an argument over the presidential credentials of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Brothers-in-law Jose Ortiz and Sean Shurelds were arguing about the fiery contest for the Democratic nomination for president at their Pennsylvania home when the dispute escalated into violence, US broadcaster CBS said.

Maybe they should move into a shoe....

AN Argentinian girl who turns 17 today has become a mother of seven after giving birth to her second set of triplets.

The girl, who was not named because she is a minor, prematurely delivered three girls each weighing 1.7kg last Tuesday.

In all she will have seven children celebrating her birthday with her today.

She already has a two-year-old boy born when she was 14, and another set of girl triplets born 18 months ago, when she was 15. She also suffered a miscarriage in the past.

Umm, the rest of the article goes on to say
The girl's 49-year-old mother....."We didn't want any more kids. When we found out she was going to have triplets we wanted to die because she doesn't have work, the father of the kids has abandoned her and I am the only one providing economic support,''
....after the last lot of triplets, she had asked for her teen daughter's fallopian tubes to be tied to prevent further pregnancies. But doctors refused because Argentine law prohibits such procedures for girls under 21.

The girl's frequent pregnancies occurred despite her receiving sex education information,

The demands of caring for so many little children prevent the girl from attending school.

But the municipality of Leon has stepped up to provide the young mother with a tract of land, where the provincial government has built a house for the large family. It is currently occupied by the girl's brother. Free nappies and electricity are also being supplied, and neighbours are said to be helping out.

Umm....I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I don't think this girl really cares about the children she already has, let alone any new ones. How ridiculous! A perfect example of why just anyone shouldn't be allowed to have children. Her poor mother is going to be looking after babies for the rest of her life by the sounds of it, because of her inconsiderate and carefree daughter. How sad.

Water water

I was at my local shopping centre last night and I noticed a heap of the store were closed, seemingly because they had extensive water damage. A friend of ours works in one of the store and I rang her and she confirmed a water main had broken a week ago and they were still trying to clean up. She works in a shoe store, and predominantly the clothing, shoe and accessory stores were all still closed. There was a sunglass store that was unaffected, being that all their stock is off the ground and they had tiled floors. Some of the stores though had floorboards that had warped and buckled, and it could be a while before they're open again.....

So heres a video someone managed to shoot, particluarly note the bogan accent of the guy filming, and the position of the water on the escalators at the end, which allows you to guage the depth of that much water.

In other news, I am WAY over blowing my nose and sneezing through this horrid summer cold I have. GAH!

Hens and life

Hey hey out there in blogland!

Sorry for the lack of posts, I've had a shitty week at work so far and didn't want to rant and rave about it.
So things seem to be picking up, yay!

The other reason I didn't blog was that I spent my weekend at a Hen's at a beach house up the coast. It was an interesting experience, in hindsight I'm glad I didn't go that road for my Hen's. What Loulou organised for my hen's ended up being perfect for me :) It was just a single night, and I actually can't even remember what I did in the day time? Can any of you girls remember?

This weekend though, it just felt like it dragged a bit. Maybe because the bride isn't my best friend? We're good friends and everything, but I've never spent that much time with her at once, so that was different.
I think she had a great time though, which is the main thing. Her fiancee Luke organised a stripper for her, which was hilarious as she's really not into that caper. She spent the whole thing laughing her ass off. He was dressed as a cop which was funny, but the surprise was a little bit spoiled when she saw him downstairs accidentally. I think the Maid of Honour was going to do this whole "noise complaint" thing, as we'd been pretty loud both nights. So while it was nice, I was kind of glad to be home. Annoyed to return home however to find mess everywhere and no boys to blame.

I made awesome curried sausages on Monday night for dinner. They were just like mum's! Yay!
Have been eating delicious leftovers for lunches.

Think M may have given me a cold he's coming down with. NOT cool. Its February! It's not meant to be passing-colds-around, its Summer! Gah

And lastly, my book is fantastic. Admittedly I don't think everyone's going to enjoy a book that challenges the existence of God, but I'm finding it fascinating. Its a real thinking book though, not a book for reading while I walk around, I have to be dedicated to giving brain power to it. Great book though. I'm hoping to do a review of it, if I can do the subject matter justice.

Brittany Murphy

See mamamia for backstory to this post

This pic looks fairly recent, and to her credit I think her blonde hair looks really good here.
No Trout lips here.

Great as a brunette, pic looks a bit older though.

In character for 8 Mile

Physical, physical, I wanna get physical

So I have become inspired to go home and be Suzy Homemaker.
I will clean my house!
I will make the dinner!
It will be delicious!
I will vacuum!
I will do sit-ups whilst watching the Biggest Loser, as I always think I should, but never do.

Maybe- if I tell you all my plan, I will actually DO it.
Wish me luck!

Back at work

laughing, laughing laughing.

Thanks to Re for pointing out that I am back at work as of yesterday.
I was hoping to have a killer post for my recommencement, but you can all thank her for forcing me to return, with douchey post.


So I'd been off work for a week, came back yesterday with a heap of work to catch up on.... and it was completed by 3.30 yesterday.
I'm going to go ahead and say this is because I am a fabulous worker bee, and has no reflection whatsoever upon my job.
I remember in my last role, I would be on leave for a few days, come ack to work and I would have hundreds of emails to deal with.
Thankfully its not like that here. Hehehe

Things I have learnt in the last week
  • Holidays are considerably less fun without Sunshine.
  • It actually is possible to forget how to ride a bicycle. That saying is a load of bollocks.
  • When it rains on holidays, your day revolves around eating, from breakfast all the way through to 4.30 wine and cheese and beyond to dinner and midnight wine and cheese
  • Poker is more fun when drunk.
  • No 1st birthday party is complete without fairy bread. Ryder celebrated his first birthday last week :) Yay! They grow up so fast....
  • leaving the house a mess before holidays, means you come home and since the pixies haven't been, house is still a mess. I'm trying to find the motivation to tidy I really am, I just feel so defeated when I look around. We really need to have people over, then we tidy real good!
  • Facebook is sucking the life out of me. This is how I feel.
Now heres a random funny

On holidays...

salamander bay resort, originally uploaded by dataceptionist.

Hi guys, sorry I've been wihout posts, on holidays, back in a few days :)

strange brainyness

Sometimes your brain reads what it wants to read
Carey 'assault': 911 call
Britney hospitalised
Mercury surprises NASA
Implant unscrambles brain
I'm thinking, Britney is involved with NASA and has an implant in her brain?
But then it all fell into place.

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