Is it ever ok to snoop?

My interest has been piqued by an article I strayed upon in the Sydney Morning Herald today. Social commentary on whether it's ok to snoop, and what are you really looking for when you do?
This is the article, but it's the comments that really interested me. So many people that seemed to think it was essential to their relationship and to understanding their partner. One woman- No question girls !
Who ever knows what a man is thinking, who he is talking to and what about..

This I took to mean- we'll never know what men are all about-so why bother snooping, there is little to gain. But then- Keeping a casual eye over texts and emails is a must ! I think the phrasing is what really get me about it, so non-chalant!
Personally, I don't believe in snooping, I never have, and if I ever feel I want to, I would be seriously examining my relationship. I would be offended if I discovered Mark had, but on the other hand- I don't have anything to hide. It's hard to know actually, because if Mark came to me and said, I want to read your SMS's, I'd hand over my phone. But if he was secretly doing it I'd feel different.
There was another comment about how in the Technological age, we can never trust anyone, and therefore snooping must be carried out to ensure we're not screwed over.
Several posters noted that they suspected their partner of cheating and snooped-discovered they were right and ended the relationship. But does the end justify the means? What happens when you discover they aren't cheating? You feel dirty and ashamed probably. And realise the depths you have sunk to.
The issue was raised of whether it's appropriate to have your partner with access to all your email etc. What about your own privacy? What if you need to vent about THEM if they really give you the s&^ts but you can't because they have access to every area of your life? This is valid, but I would expect that it should be in response to a disagreement or such and if your snooping partner decided to read such subject matter, then they would dismiss the rant for someone who is upset. So it isn't really much to worry about.

So what of everyone else? Thoughts people.....

7 kindred spirits ~ This bugs them too!:

billylou said...
July 05, 2006 6:10 PM

Wow I've just typed this three times with three different answers. I think, though, it comes down to confidence in yourself. If you are confident that you're a great catch and a loving partner, you shouldn't need to worry about your partner cheating. You don't need to go snooping around unless you're insecure. Holding onto someone by sheer determination and forcing them into a monogamous relationship with fear and recrimination is no victory. They should realise for themselves that you're the only person they want to sleep with. You don't need to question it.

Re said...
July 06, 2006 8:03 AM

Such an ambivalent topic...

On one hand, I have snooped (albeit not significantly, and found nothing out but hey snooping is snooping). And it was on someone who was untrustworthy and in the end did screw me over but I don't think that the end justified the means. Not because I didn't find anything (haha maybe partially) but due to my high moral fibre (bwahaha) I felt like a dick looking for nothing and pretending like I didn’t notice obviously things weren’t okay. And the other thing? And what makes it worse!!! Now that I have these horrible suspicions, I’m scared I’ll project them on to other party

And on the other hand, I would be horrified to find someone rabbiting through my stuff but if I had nothing to hide, I would be mortally wounded the other party didn’t trust me… but did have anything to hide I'm sure I would be wise enough to remove any evidence - so does that leave you in the same place?

Very tricky…

Dataceptionist said...
July 06, 2006 12:54 PM

Well billylou-I'd be interested to have read the other three attempts!
All other points quite valid.

Re-you snooper! what were you loking for? And I'm qith you on the evidence...although there is the theory of hiding things in plain sight....

billylou said...
July 06, 2006 1:23 PM

My guess my answers covered concepts such as 'cheating on someone is not the worst abuse of trust that can happen so chill out about it' (I actually wish I'd been cheated on as opposed to ripped off financially and emotionally blackmailed...!) to 'it's not really your business anyway until the relationship is officially committed either by marriage or otherwise' to 'sometimes it's better not to know'. All of which I believe in to a point but of course it always comes down to the situation.

Also you owe me new bees.

Dataceptionist said...
July 06, 2006 3:42 PM

Hahaha, you'll never get them!!

Hmm...very sage words there. All very valid points in my view.

Re said...
July 08, 2006 11:44 PM

I was looking for something sneaky of course... whatever the bloody hell that was going to be.
Fake ids? Stolen credit cards?
Plane tickets to the south of France?
I didn't expect to find anything and apprently the instict was bang on right lol

Dataceptionist said...
July 10, 2006 8:46 AM

Sneaking? Sneaking? Fat hobbit is always so polite. Sméagol shows them secret ways that nobody else could find, and they say "sneak". Sneak? Very nice friend. Oh, yes, my precious. Very nice, very nice."
What were you doing then?
"Sneaking....."


Well I hope you learnt your lesson then!

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