Secrets and Lies

Have you ever noticed that its easier to keep a secret as time passes? When you first find something out, or decide you're not going to share it with people, suddenly you have a pressing need to tell others. You immediately think of others you want to tell.

And if you can get through that first conversation with them, its suddenly easier to not tell them after all.

The longer you have a secret, the more it becomes a part of you. YOU know its true, and eventually you forget you haven't told anyone, because its just something you know then. Like you know that Aunt Mary's dog has brown fur, so this thing becomes part of the fabric of your knowledge.
Thats why its so much easier to slip up later on, because you forgot you didn't tell anyone. Unless, I suppose, your secret is that you are really a (insert other gender here). Then you wuld be hyper aware I guess.

his is (one of the many reasons of course) why I could never be unfaithful in a marriage. I won't say I'm a saint and that I was pure as the driven snow in previous relationships, but I simply don't understand how people could do that in marriage. And to a lesser extent once you start living together. It would consume me! And the lies! The lies that would build on the lies, how do they ever keep track of it all?
Its no wonder that private investigators always say "if you think its going on, it is".

erhaps my main concern is I'm a pretty hopeless secret keeper. I always want to tell
someone. Which is of course how secrets spiral out of control and become common knowledge. One person wants to just tell one other person. Before you know it, everyone knows. I've taken to prefacing a secret divulgence with "can I tell M?" Because chances are if I can't even tell him, its just better not to tell me. Because I won't be able to not tell him, unless the secret directly relates to him, in which case I'll tell someone else!!!

6 kindred spirits ~ This bugs them too!:

Reanan said...
July 25, 2008 7:16 PM

HAHA see M, nothing to do with a desire to STAY faithful. More to do with the fact you married a lazy shit secret keeper?


K said...
July 28, 2008 10:03 AM

I suspect that most people who cheat on a marriage do so becuase they are unhappy and it easier to lie than to leave. I guess people can justify anything to keep the guilt away (I lie to protect her - she'd be so hurt if she found out etc)

Dataceptionist said...
July 28, 2008 4:30 PM

@ Reanan
~Oh shush you. How did I know YOU would be the troublemaker insinuating I'm a whoring unfaithful sexpot.
(I'm telling all YOUR secrets first hahah)

@ K
~ Ahem, to be serious, you are probably right.
While I don't know if I will ever truly understand the motivations behind the betrayal (I should hope I don't anyhow), I don't know how they maintain it at all.
Interestingly many commentators on infidelity recommend against telling the partner if possible also as it is simply releiving ones own guilt, and does nothing to benefit the partner. (unless its ongoing I mean)

K said...
July 29, 2008 3:04 PM

I actually agree with that provided that the indescretion was a once-off adn the offender is truly penitent.
If H cheated on me when he was pissed and maybe angry and instantly regretted it and swore to himself it wouldn't happen again - I don't think I'd want to know.
I'd that H approach me and tell me what he thought was wrong in our marriage for us to try to fix it than deal with betrayal at the same time.
Repeated unrepentant cheater? I want to know so I can get him outta my life.

Reanan said...
July 29, 2008 8:42 PM

lol whoring sexpot.

Dataceptionist said...
July 30, 2008 1:41 PM

@ K
~ Well said indeed.

@ Reanan

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