Dead and buried, but where?

I don't really talk about religion on here, save that my husband M is Catholic and I'm not (slightly ambiguous sorry) I'm an atheist and its not a problem for us.
We were at a wedding reception for M's Aunt on the weekend, and I was chatting to his cousin Lachlan and his girlfriend Jess. We ended up having one of those bizarre all around the place conversations where I ended up telling them an anecdote about discussing burial plots with M's grandparents (also his). I've grown up with only one Grandmother and her sister, my Great Aunt, and as a pair they're the closest thing to Grandparents I've ever known, its been like having two grannies. On the flipside, M has had four grandparents his whole life, and I've gotten to know them too. His father's parents were the ones we discussed burial plots with, they're very easy going and we got there in a very organic way; I didn't just come out and start talking about death and funerals. M's grandfather is also a twin, and I just couldn't resist asking them both about their viewpoints on who you get buried with. I imagine as a twin he feels a strong connection to his sister, but she's got a (deceased) husband of her own buried in another town, and he's got a lovely wife, and they seem very much in love and that they would want to spend eternity next to each other. So how do people reconcile where they're buried? My family doesn't really have family plots or anything that I know of. Mum's always said she wants to be cremated and Dad wants to be buried as far as I know, so I've never erally taken the cue from them.
So I was discussing this conversation with Lachlan and Jess, and it brought me to another topic I've always pondered upon, being the afterlife.
LOL no I don't mean in general, or something I muse about terribly often, but the one thing I've always been curious about, if when people have multiple partners, which ties into the burial plot thing too.
My maternal grandfather died when he was 47, so technically my grandmother has been a widow longer than she was even married to him for. He (I assume) is buried in the country town they lived in and he grew up in. But does that mean she will be buried there? And what would happen if she had met someone else after that? My mother was only 9 when he died, and in modern society my grandmother probably would have re-married. Her children were youngish, she had half her life still ahead of her! Which brings me to the afterlife part, if you DO re-marry, who do you spend your afterlife with?
I've always particularly wondered this about young widows/widowers. Say people that become widowed in their twenties, they're probably going to go on to love someone else just as passionately as they did their first husband. (for tidiness I'm going to stick to married couples, not life partners who I'm sure have the same dilemmas).
So we were pondering this point also, Lachlan, Jess and I (hey I said it was organic! It wasn't weird to be discussing this at a wedding until right at the end when they got that glassy-eyed look). So we're chatting, and a woman was getting a drink from the bar next to where we were standing, and she went onto say "you spend the afterlife with the person you like the most" if you have multiple life partners. Which I think beggers the question, what if YOUR most-liked-person, doesn't pick YOU as their most-liked-person???
She didn't think it mattered, they'd never know and that in their afterlife you don't care about any of that either. She actually took it as a sign that she was meant to hear our conversation, I think so she could enlighten us. I don't know about the accuracy of that, but it's certainly been food for thought since.

10 kindred spirits ~ This bugs them too!:

PrincesseEmma said...
April 15, 2008 11:55 AM

Hmm... 'Random woman at the Bar' could be right. But I've never heard that before, so I guess she could have made it up to please herself. How many drinks had she had do you think?
My family talk about funeral plans etc, it's not a taboo topic for us. I want to know their wishes and I want them to know mine. Lets face it, when you're gone you can't plan your funeral, your big send off, so better to talk about it before it's too late.

Dataceptionist said...
April 15, 2008 12:02 PM

Exactly Emma.
I guess because my mum's always said to cremate her we've never really discussed it any further, and they're not the most sentimental people so I never really thought about asking them their thoughts on not being buried together for eternity.

She wasn't that full really, the woman, but I later found she was a parent of a child that went to a Catholic School so I would assume she's Catholic (M's family see-all Catholic). I have a feeling this was her own reconciliation with the question, yes, as opposed to a structured teaching on the matter.

PrincesseEmma said...
April 15, 2008 12:36 PM

My grandmother and step-grandfather (this is technically what he is but they were married before I was born so he is really another grandfather) have both been married twice; the second marriage being to each other and they both want to be laid to reat with their parents. My grandfather wants to be buried with his Mum & Dad in one suburb, my grandmother wants to be cremated and with her parents in another suburb at the crematorium. So even though they are married they'll be laid to rest seperately.

PrincesseEmma said...
April 15, 2008 12:40 PM

Also, I think this is interesting...
My Dad's grandparents are buried in the same cementry but in seperate sections, because of religion.
His grandmother was Catholic and is by herself in the Catholic section (near the nuns, that's how I find her grave) and his grandfather his buried in the Anglican section with his uncle (so father and son are buried together).
So maybe something to think about for you and your hubby?
On a slightly different topic, do you use Mrs now you're married? Did you change your name? Mia got me thinking and I just blogged about the whole Miss, Ms, Mrs thing and would be interested to know what you've done :-)

K said...
April 15, 2008 1:15 PM

Ohh, I'm gonna try to reply without getting all religiously. Tell me to f-off if its all getting too much. I'll keep it short.

I think that if you get to heaven then you're generally going to be the type of person who is understanding about things like living life after the death of a loved one. So I believe that you're with all of your loves in heaven and everyone just gets along. Heaven doesn't really have room for jealously. Its supposed to be a nice place.

Re deaths - no, I wouldn't think I'd want to be buried in a country town just because my husband of 50 years ago is. My grandparents are all deceased and cremated and all scattered in different places. I don't think that where your earthly remains end up carried any importance. Once you're dead you've got bigger things to worry about IMO.

Dataceptionist said...
April 15, 2008 1:43 PM

wow thats complicated Emma!
I guess that all comes down to different eras doesn't it? I know most cemeteries have denominational areas, esp. the big ones (like Rookwood). I never thought of the idea that possibly M and I wouldn't be buried together....weird. (too young to think about our own mortality and all that jazz)
I think its interesting your parents will be buried with their own parents, as that opens a whole different avenue, if everyone tried to do that, their children would have to pick a parent (as you would have to?)

Also, yes I use Mrs. I'm actually extremely proud to be a Mrs, although it was very weird to begin with because I always thought of Mrs such-and-such as being my mother in law, or his grandmother. I think I liked that changing my name to Mrs ******* gave me a new identity as a married woman? I didn't feel the need to cling to my pre-married identity, I'm forging a new one! Although I understand why people do it for professional reasons, like Mia. I also know a girl who won't because she doesn't want to afford her in-law family such an honour because they don't get along (v. messy)

Hahaha K I would be so much more eloquent than that! Don't worry, the post ended up being a bit rambly as well.
I like your outlook, and yes ultimately I guess any afterlife is meant to be pleasant and sweet smelling.
LOL "Once you're dead you've got bigger things to worry about"

e_add2008 said...
April 16, 2008 6:22 AM

LOL, My wife and I are being buried together, but not side by side. First to go gets the bottom spot and the one on the top has to do all the work (prep). So I guess its sort of a race for us. Last night she said she wanted to go first. Just between us, I don't think so.

You sure are intelligent :). Can a non-religious person have a soul mate? If so, I hope I am there when he (M) enlightens you. Ok, maybe behind a few clouds, but it would be beautiful to see.

Dataceptionist said...
April 16, 2008 8:58 AM

Thats great e_add2008.
I have heard this is the practice in Oz too, one of top of the other.
I don't hope I go first, I hope we go together, because I couldn't bear for him to go first, or have him go thru me going first. (too saccharine?)

M's grandparents said you can even have three in one plot. Provided everyone dies far enough apart that the decomposition is complete.

I think anyone can have a soul mate, I don't think religion has claimed the concept as their own LOL
I guess I beleive it also because I've found mine :)

K said...
April 16, 2008 11:41 AM

e_add2008 said: Can a non-religious person have a soul mate?

Does a non-religious person have a soul? Of course.
So I think yes.

I have a bigger question - if there more than one soul mate for us out there?

K said...
April 16, 2008 11:42 AM

is there, not if there. Obviously.

Learn to type lady! *slaps self across face*

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