Explosm

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Beach Road - James Patterson & Peter De Jonge *****

I'm going to forego the blurb today, in honour of my first 5 star rating.
This book has all the hallmarks of classic Patterson, bit of a legal/courtroom drama/ whodunnit. Well written, and for once I agree with the blurb when it says

"The final scenes of Beach Road unveil a truth
so unexpected it will leave readers gasping in shock"

I really was reeling at the end.

5 / 5

How Harry Potter COULD HAVE ended if written by.... [NO spoiler]

Mario Puzo (The Godfather) :

Replacing the fallen Dumbledore as head of Hogwarts, Professor Minerva McGonagall proves to have balls of steel. In a well-coordinated series of carefully-timed attacks, the Order of the Phoenix kills every single Death Eater in a single night, settling all accounts.

John Grisham (The Firm, The Rainmaker, The Pelican Brief) :

Over the course of the book, Harry becomes disillusioned with the wizarding life as he realizes that it's just endless conflict in the service of his corrupt and power-hungry masters. He and Ginny change their names and assume new identities so they can leave the wizarding world and live happily ever after.

George Lucas (American Graffiti, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars) :

The battle between Harry and Voldemort comes to a close with an exciting magical glowing sword fight in the never-before-seen high-tech part of Hogwarts during which Voldemort reveals that he's Harry's real father. Then the Death Star blows up.

Dean Koontz (Bestselling Thriller Author) :

While Voldemort is preparing his final assault on Hogwarts, Arthur Weasley uses his knowledge of muggle artifacts come up with a plan to defeat Voldemort. He and Ron work desperately to connect the flue network to a fireplace in the house of a major Columbian drug lord. Harry and Hermione go through, stun everyone in the house, and steal all their Uzi submachineguns. When the Death Eaters arrive at Hogwarts, members of the Order of the Phoenix gun them down.

Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly) :

As the conflict with Voldemort comes to a head, Ron Weasley is suddenly and shockingly killed. Hermione responds with steely determination, joined by Luna Lovegood, who turns out to be a rare witch who has super-powerful martial arts skills. While Harry tries ineffectively to help—often with comic results—Luna kills the Death Eaters with Unblockable Scorpion Kicks and Hermione defeats Voldemort in a head-on battle of magic.

Tom Clancy (The Hunt For Red October, The Sum of All Fears, Rainbow 6) :

All seems lost for Harry until the Voldemort problem is brought to the attention of American President Jack Ryan, who sends the Enterprise Carrier Group to defeat the Death Eaters in a series of air strikes. Distrustful of the Ministry of Magic, Harry Potter defects to the United States where he helps Ryan get elected to his fourth term as President.

David Chase (The Sopranos) :

Discouraged by Lord Voldemort's tiresome battle against Harry Potter, Lucius Malfoy makes peace with Harry Potter in a bid to take over the Death Eaters for himself. Meanwhile, Alicia Spinnet spots Lord Voldemort in Diagon Alley and catches him by surprise, killing him easily. Through a strange series of random events, all Voldemort's horcruxes are also destroyed. Thinking the danger is over, Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione make plans to meet at the Three Broomsticks for butterbeers. Just as the last of them arrives

From - Mark Draughn

Yay!!!

I finally figured out how to download the pics from my camera to the computer without needing a card reader or burning them to CD at Big W first!!
So here are some pics I took AGES ago,Mum and dad installed some rainwater tanks beside the house, and I thought it was great!!!
Ok. That is all.

Bad Luck & Trouble - Lee Child ***/*

YOU DO NOT MESS WITH JACK REACHER

September 11th changed Reacher's drifter lifestyle in one practical way. As well as his folding toothbrush, he now carries photo ID/ Yet he is still as close to untraceable as a human being in America can get. so when a member of his old Army unit finda a way to get a message to him, he knows it must be deadly serious:
I want you to put the old unit back together.

You DO NOT MESS with the Special Investigators.
They always watched each others backs. Now one of them has shown up dead in the California desert. And six others can't be found at all.

You DO NOT MESS with Jack Reacher.
His old buddies are in big trouble, and he won't let that go. Not now, not ever.

Another good read from Child. Always a good one. Harry Potter came out today. Woo. I'll hold off til the hype's died down though.

3.5 / 5

Good bye El Salvador... *sniff*

Dilbert

Protests shut Starbucks in Beijing's imperial palace

China's imperial palace has closed its Starbucks outlet following protests led by a state television personality against the American coffee chain's presence at a major Chinese cultural site.

The small outlet, a popular resting spot for visitors to the sprawling Forbidden City in central Beijing, closed yesterday afternoon, the Beijing Morning Post and other newspapers reported.

The Starbucks opened in 2000 at the invitation of palace managers, but critics said it was inappropriate for the site.

Palace managers offered Starbucks the option of continuing to operate as part of a combined coffeehouse with other brands but the Seattle-based company declined, the Post said.

AP - SMH July 14, 2007 - 2:58PM

Hit & Run

Money money money must be funny in a rich man's world

This article in SMH refers to
"one bank gave preliminary approval after an inquiry about a loan that would have eaten up more than half the borrower's pay, well above the official "mortgage stress" definition of spending 30 per cent of gross income to cover a home loan."
Well it got me interested in this percentage.
When I calculated, we spend 46% of our gross income on our mortgage!!!!
Is that wrong?

The Hard Way - Lee Child ****

JACK REACHER.
SOLDIER. LONER. HERO. LOVER.
Late at night, a New York Cafe. Jack Reacher orders coffee in a cup made of foam, not china. So he can move on a moment's notice.
He owns nothing, carried less. He has never met a woman who said no. Or a case he couldn't solve.

But now Reacher faces a new case so disturbing that the truth eludes him. Has he painted targets on the good guys backs?

So Reacher starts over at square one. Sweats the details and works the clues. Doing it the hard way, as they used to say back in the service. Until what started on a busy New york street explodes three three thousand miles away, in the sleepy English countryside. With Reacher striding alone in the shadows. Armed and dangerous. Invincible.

Moves at a cracking pace, a friend put me onto Child a few years ago and i haven't yet been disappointed with him.

4 / 5

Not a happy camper....

My poor husband, this week has copped it twice in the “Brownie Points” stakes.

Monday morning at 6.20am I get a call from him-

“baby, I’m really sorry, I’ve just realised I left my Laptop at home and Jerome’s just driven away…..could you bring it……”

True story people.

I, the dutiful wife, got up, threw on trakkies and located said laptop, drove into North Sydney, dropped it off and drove home again, to dress for my own job. He felt bad, but I didn’t really mind all that much, I was in an ok mood.

SO- fast forward to TODAY

This morning my phone rings at 6.18am.

My husband says to me, “do you want the good news or the bad news?” I mumble something while trying not to wake up all that much. “the good news is, I’ve got my laptop.” I think, Whoopee shit.

“... the bad news is I’ve also got my car keys”

This is a problem because we don’t have a spare in the house. I am mentally kicking myself for not taking the key off the ring last night when I thought about it.

So he proceeds to ask if I want him to call the NRMA to retrieve the spare which is actually hidden in the car from being serviced yesterday.

I could not give a toss right now, just wanting to return to my cocoon of blankets and sleep. It suddenly feels like a great idea to get the bus today.

HubBee doesn’t think so. He calls NRMA who will call me when they’re close.

15 more minutes of sleep and the phone rings, it’s the NRMA. I guess they can be quick at 6am.

I throw (more) trakkies on and run out to the car where we get the spare. I think he thinks I’m a bit suss, since I don’t look like I’m going anywhere and I didn’t get in the car and drive off. I don’t care. I walk back to the house and undress, climb back into bed. I can get another solid 40 minutes of sleep if I hurry. I hastily type “got in” and send to HubBee.

I’m about to drift off.

“brrrrriinng!!!!!”

He’s checking its all fine. I tersely tell him I’m trying to go back to sleep again. He sheepishly says goodbye, and I manage to fall asleep again.

Twice in one week? Not such a good mood…

The Prez

Because I don't know how to embed the video AND write, without F*king up the video, I made a new post.
*Also, does any other blogger have a problem where I've linked my blog to YouTube, to use the "Blog This" button they have, and it says "Video will appear on your blog shortly" but nothing happens? I'm still waiting for the videos I tried to upload four months ago to appear...... Or Just Me???

Anyway, I am SO glad our candidates do not inspire such scariness. The thing is though (all speculation) that the Obama video was shot and written by a girl off her own bat, but the Hilary one was commissioned and she's a real singer or something.
That's the "word" anyways.

Hott for Hill(ary Clinton)

Crush on Obama

Stranger Danger

One day a 12-year old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the window was wound down.

"I'll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car," said the male driver.

"No way, get stuffed," replied the boy.

"How about a bag of lollies and $10?" asked the driver.

"I said no way," replied the irritated youngster.

"What about a bag of lollies and FIFTY BUCKS , eh?" quizzed the driver,still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.

"No, I'm not getting in the fricken car!" answered the boy.

"OK, I know, I'll give you $100 and a bag of lollies," the driver offered.

"NO," screamed the boy.

"What will it take to get you into the car?" asked the driver with a long sigh.

The boy replied, "Listen Dad, you bought the Volvo, you live with it."

Yes my father drives a volvo exactly the same as the above,
and in my lifetime they've owned about 8 I think....

Where have all the pop-tarts gone...

Yesterday I think I saw something about Pop-Tarts on an american site or something, because I thought to myself {having lived quite happily for the last 7 or so years without them} that I'd really like a pop-tart. So I went to the shops at lunch, and looked where I remembered them being housed, in the cereal aisle, and couldn't find them.
I was mildly miffed, and bought rollette's on special instead to share with my work-folk. Not as satisfying when you're after something particularly, but it had to do.
So I looked up this morning what the story was with Pop-Tarts in Oz, where I could get some.
Sadly I report, that Kellogg's has stopped importing them into Oz, and you can only buy them on Ebay, for the inflated price of $9.99 AUD plus $8 postage. :(
So I shall go on- Pop Tart-less.

This is apparently a "Hello Kitty" Pop Tart,
of which I am calling, The Ultimate Pop Tart.
Ours certainly never got that exciting looking.

Fug in the City

This outfit, case in point for why I hate SJP, and why I think everyone is mental when they rave on about her style. This is clearly fug, which is where I found it, and I think she is far from the style icon she is lauded.
*stomp*

Ryder

Ryder, originally uploaded by dataceptionist.

Oh so cute....

Can you guess????

Can you guess what these are......????
Click here for the horrifying answer.....

Yo, Taxi!~!

Rights and Responsibilities of Taxi Passengers

Your Rights

As a taxi user you have the right to:

• Decide on the route
• See the taxi meter
• Refuse multiple hiring
• Have the air conditioning on
• See the driver's photo identity card

Your driver should:

• Be courteous and helpful
• Know and obey all the traffic laws
• Be neat, clean and tidy
• Be wearing a uniform

Your taxi should be:

• Smoke free
• Clean and tidy
• Well maintained

Your Responsibilities

As a taxi user you must:

• Pay the correct fare, including any tolls and booking fees that apply
• Wear a seat belt at all times
• Not eat, drink or smoke in the taxi
• Not swear or act in an offensive way
• Not ask the driver to stop where it is illegal or unsafe to do so
• Ensure any children under 12 months are secured in an approved child restraint
• Please let the driver know if you need change for $50 or more.
• The driver can refuse to take you if you are likely to cause a nuisance or annoyance, or eating, drinking, smoking or unable to pay the estimated fare.
• If you dirty the taxi, the driver can charge you one hour's waiting fee for the cost of cleaning up

I found this link from the cab-blog I read (aussie) and I thought it was really interesting.
What's your worst taxi experience?

This Ain't a Mixtape....Right?

When I was in high school, a guy I knew and was friend with, made me a CD with all the these great songs of the nineties and older, it was awesome. I lost it for a while but I found it again the other day and I listen to it at work now. When he gave it to me, I was really appreicative, we were friends, not close, but friends. I'd only been to his place say twice, and both times in a group. Essentially I brushed it off, as his dad had the biggest CD collection I've ever seen, imagine a family room type area with floor to ceiling bookshelves full of CD's. It was incredible, his dad apparently wrote a catalogue program to keep track of all of them. He probably has them all as MP3's now, and his physical collection is redundant but it was still a big deal in school. He was a nice guy, typical of the guys I went to school with he was a little nerdy, but genuinely nice when he wasn't blowing shit up (an off shoot of under stimulated minds, even at "smart" schools)
My question now, possibly I'm overthinking it considering the first song is "Always" by Bon Jovi, and has always been a favourite of mine. But was he sweet on me and I've totally missed it until now? It was the equivalent of making a Mix Tape for someone, except its a CD and has 200 songs on it.
I never really thought about it at the time, I just accepted it and loved it. But he sat down and did that, for no return.

Am I only now just realising that I'm a complete moron, as I listen to "Love is All Around" by Wet Wet Wet??

Switchback- Matthew Klein ****

A dark thriller about one man caught in an ever-tightening vice of his own making.
Timothy Van Bender, Yale graduate and hedge fund manager in Palo Alto, lives a magical life: his business mints money; his wife, Katherine, is beautiful and charming; his young sexy secretary, Tricia, greets him each morning with a flirtatious smile.

Then, one, Tuesday, everything changes. Timothy wakes to learn that his hedge fund has lost $24 million on a bad bet against the Japanese Yen. Timothy decides to double down and bet again. But the Yes keeps climbing, and his business investors start asking questions. With his company on the brink of collapse, he gets a call from his wife, who phones to say goodbye, moments before jumping off a cliff at Big Sur to her death. Timothy can't believe it, and nor, for that matter, can the police.

And that's when his troubles start. As the police investigate Timothy, he investigates his dead wife's secrets. But when Tricia shows up on Timothy's doorstep, claiming to be his dead wife, and knowing secrets that only Katherine could know, Timothy's not sure what, or whom, to believe. Has he been given a second chance at happiness or is he being played for a fool in an elaborate scam that may cost him his life?

Very good book, kept guessing until right at the end. Recommend. :)

4 / 5

Bring IT ON

Romance is a fickle beast

Construction Worker Still Hasn't Given Up On True Love

NEW YORK, NY —A hopeless romantic, Barbierri tries to touch upon the individual qualities of each woman he greets, from great legs to visible nipples.

When Larry did Paris

After reading this hilarious blow by blow of the Larry King - Paris Hilton interview, it beggers the question, is that really what it was like? I didn't watch it, or the horrid "highlights reel" they showed on A Current Affair or Today Tonight, {who keeps track of which stories which does, the only lasting memories are the switches between modulated and outraged tones of the presenters}.
Can anyone tell me? Was it really like watching paint dry? Is Larry King the worst interviewer in the world?
The next question I am prompted to ask myself, is why did I read it? Purely for the humour value I knew would be in the piece, or am I simply another Paris info junkie even though I tell myself I couldn't give a flying fug about her....
I guess I'll never know.

I must admit though, I can't stand Paris Hilton, and avoided the whole fiasco if I could (other than thinking the ridiculous American judicial system was shown for all its farcical glory the day they released her early) I did clap with glee when they put her back in and she seemed to be crying.
But another "major" event I also avoided, though not as studiously, and that was all the Diana events. *shrug* I just didn't really care. The thing on Sunday, the concert they showed on Monday, I was just mildly annoyed they yanked CSI off to show it (both nights!).
I did end up watching Brothers and Sisters for the first time on Monday night though, and found it quite an okay little show. Wouldn't not watch CSI for it, but worth a look.

funnies

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

spice up your life

Well you can't say you didn't hear it here first.
Well ok maybe you can, but as I predicted {lol}, THE SPICE GIRLS ARE REUNITING!!!!
And I for one, will be attending the Sydney leg of their tour when they come here.
BRING - IT - ON!

***i do reiterate however that I extremely surprised Posh Spice has agreed to the reunion, not quite like Robbie Williams and Take That (cold day in hell), but she's massive now. My personal theory is that she actually DOES think she can sing, and this is her outlet for that.
I speculate that she will do the tour, and then LEAVE the group, prompting the creation of "Cumin : The Search for the New Spice" the reality TV show where the contestants must create elaborate hairstyles and thigh high boots using nothing but their wits.
You heard it here first-I'm calling it***

Eddie Murphy father of Scary child

Eddie Murphy has apparently been DNA tested for the paternity of Scary Spice's baby daughter, and confirmed that yes, he went there.

In other Spicy news, the 90'd girl group has sparked speculation they will be reforming by calling a press conference next week.

Somehow though I can't imagine "Lady Posh"taking such a backward step as would necessitate her rejoining the group. She has a sweet life now, and everyone knows she was the one who couldn't sing! Although she has apparently recorded a new single.
Listen to a sneak preview HERE. Eek.

Looking at this though, is the world really ready for Spice Girls again?

I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahhhh....

Are you kidding me????

Some of you professionals out there will have, like me, a work email address that is your name with your company name as the domain for the email, for example miss.piggy@blondepigsdoitbetter.com.au can you believe in my new job, I getting SPAMMED by our customers to my address? I'm assuming some of them are simply guessing my email, but others, people I've actually given my email address to, send me junk!
And by Junk, I mean those crappy forwards that promise you an iPod if you send this email on, or I got one for a free laptop computer if you sent it on to 30 of your nearest and dearest friends {read: VICTIMS} I'm gobsmacked seriously, how unprofessional!!
Then I got another one that was flogging something like Trendwest. Goddammit!

Tanning beds are the root of all evil.

I've said it before, I'm saying it again, and this time with backup.

Full article here

....Cancer Council Victoria's SunSmart program manager, Kylie Strong, said the ultra-violet light projected by solariums was up to five times as dangerous as Victoria's midday summer sun..... VICTORIA'S booming tanning industry could be subject to government control for the first time as concerns grow over the risks of frequent solarium use.....

.....The current (voluntary) code advises that children under 15 and those with fair skin should be prohibited from using sunbeds, and that parental permission for those under 18 should be obtained. It also recommends users sign a consent form outlining the risks.

The director of the Victorian Melanoma Service at The Alfred hospital, Associate Professor John Kelly, said he was seeing a number of skin cancers for which the argument was persuasive that they were caused by solariums. "It's probably a phenomenon of the last three or four years; before that I had never seen it," he said.

Associate Professor Kelly said he had seen three cases recently that he believed had been caused by solarium light. One involved a 20-year-old woman who had a melanoma in her groin, the other two women had breast melanomas.

"All of the women were partners of solarium owners … they used (a solarium) a hell of a lot and all of them in short order, within a couple of years of doing it, had got melanomas in previous never sun-exposed areas."......

.....research by the World Health Organisation's International Agency for Research on Cancer which has shown that people who regularly use sunbeds before the age of 35 increase their risk of melanoma by as much as 75 per cent......

......The manager of Planet Sun Tanning Studio, who asked to be identified only as Tammy, agrees that some legislation is needed as long as it is "not over the top". She also believes solarium staff need to be properly trained.

"We have our own policy here but a lot of our customers come in and tell us how they've been thrown into hot beds when they have milky white skin and … it hasn't been done properly."

Tammy said tanning at a solarium was safe if it was done responsibly.

"It's really a controlled environment. We recommend using sunscreen and if there are suspicious spots we recommend they see a doctor before coming in and tanning."

SunLounge Port Melbourne's manager, Alfie Pezzi, said turning people off UV exposure was wrong.

He said there were medical benefits of vitamin D absorption through UV exposure.

Of course there are, but not THAT much Vitamin D. Clutching at straws methinks......

*tear* Long live Cassius

As some of you may be aware (not all as I was very slack in reporting this momentus occassion in our life), we became proud parents two weeks ago. We went to the store and instantly became the proud owners of two siamese fighting fish. They look a little like these.

El Salvador
(mine is a little bit greener)

Cassius (mark's)

At least, that's what Cassius looked like. *sniffle* he's dead already. :( And I feel like a terrible parent because I couldn't even care for a fish. I maintain however that he commit suicide as he wasn't eating his food, he simply let it float until it became swollen and sank to the rocks.
*sigh* I'm still sad though. :(

The Poo (NO not THAT Poo!!)

Now stop me if you've heard of this already, oh wait, you can't. Read on then!!

"Our own" Poo (Mark Phillippoussis for those of you playing at home) has somehow gotten himself caught up in a terrible The-Bachelor-Type of reality dating show in the US. You know the ones, hot eligible bachelor lives with 14 nymphs in a luxurious mansion and the female endeavour to win him over whilst scratching the eyes out of every other female contestant. Bachelor picks one, they give it a go for a few weeks before "discovering" that meeting in a fabulous mansion is not a healthy basis for the beginning of a relationship.

I mean how did we go from this

To this?

He looks like a doofus here and what is happening with his right eye? "Eh-baby-wanna-ride-in-my-WRX-ayyyyy????? He looks slightly better in what appears to be the actual promo shot at the show's homepage on NBC.

Somehow he has ended up looking a bit glassy-eyed-insurance-salesman here though...

The actual "twist" of this show is that there's 20-something nymphs and 40-something nymphs looking for a slice of the action, and trying to answer the question "Does Age Matter". I think the real question should be, "Is this what sporting stars are relegated to when they can no longer play their sport?"

Oh Dear...

I'm sorry I've been so lax!!!!
I blame it entirely on falling ill. I got sick a few weeks ago and it knocked me for six a bit. Couldn't muster much enthusiasm for anything really.
So I'm so sorry its taken me so long to post, and I apologise again for not having anything completely riveting to say!

-soon to follow though
- billylou is published! With her permission i will post her wonderful poem that she performed at the Riverside Theatre at Parramatta. :)
- a pic of my cool pink hair
- a pic of Ryder's christening.
Sorry again :)

Digital Fortress - Dan Brown ***/*

When the National Security Agency's invincible code-breaking machine encounters a mysterious code it cannot break, the agency calls in its head cryptographer, Susan Fletcher, a brilliant, beautiful mathematician. What she uncovers sends shock waves through the corridors of power. The NSA is being held hostage-not by guns or bombs, but by a code so complex that if released would cripple US intelligence.

Caught in an acccelerating tempest of secrecy and lies, Flethcher battles to save the agency she beleives in. Betrayed on all sides, she finds herself fighting not onlt for her country but for her life, and in the end, for the life of the man she loves...

Hmm...As with all blurbs it seems, not quite how it all comes about, but I guess its close enough. Good read, not as good as the others, but better than Angels and Demons.

3.5 / 5

The Caller _ Alex Barclay

Unlock the Door to a twisted mind....

My Prison is a tool, a training ground, a stopover. I look at the bars behind me, the space around me, the confinement. I think of where you are and how tragic for you it is that here I am, there you are, but oh so quickly, there I am. Right with you.

Entrance. Exit.

A killer is locked in a dark fantasy world that has come crushing into reality with devastating results...and a rising body count. He targets his victims in their own homes, subjecting them to a terrifying ordeal before leaving their lifeless bodies in their hallway for a loved one to find.

Back on the job after a year out, NYPD Detective Joe Lucchesi becomes the reluctant lead in the high-profile investigation. Battling with physical pain and overwhelmed by friction in the taskforce and at home, he struggles to make progress.

But just when he feels close to making a breakthroughm the investigation is rocked by tragedy and another victim's life is hanging in the balance.

Public Schools up the creek

Articles like this make my blood boil. For the subject matter, not for the existence of the article.
More privelege for the privileged.
Oh makes me so angry.

Your eyes can be so cruel....

Just as I can be so cruel!

As a young thing, my sisters and cousins and I would sit and watch Jareth and Sarah and Ludo for hours, over and over again. I know all the girls somehow felt this alluring pull from Jareth (don't deny it!) and even though he looks ridiculous looking back (umm..pirate ruffles anyone?), there's still a little something there.....
So it was with shock and disbelief that I discovered that
David Bowie turns 60 this year.
He of the Goblin King fame.
*fanning self*

Oh God-I know Bai Ling (sort of)

While some may see it as laziness, I see it as being completely in tune. And also, I don't have the time to devote to research and meaningless surfing for potentially interesting posts.

So ner.

The Fug Girls have found an awesome addendum to my earlier comments about Bai Ling in Cannes. Hilarious. And Riona, I have IMDBed for your convenience- See here for Bai Ling
OMG. Stop the Press.
I have just discovered in my {meagre} research that Bai Ling is actually an actress I know. In the way that you "know" anyone in any of your favorite movies.

Bai Ling is actually the cool Asian girl in The Crow! Sister to the baddie."....I Like the pretty lights....."

Pic from The Crows Loft

Oh God, I'll never look at her the same again now.....

Also from Fug

"And also, can we discuss how scarring it must have been for Mary-Kate Olsen to see her not-technically-identical-but-who-are-we-kidding-they-look-almost-exactly-alike twin sister ranking at No. 37, while she herself was left off entirely?"

Hahahahaha hilarious and well spotted. Fug Shame.

In the news....

Headlines on SMH today :

HICKS ENJOYS AUSTRALIAN BREAKFAST

Ummm....no updates, so let's talk about his breakfast? Hey guys, I had toast this morning, maybe I'm newsworthy now!!!!

SATAN MADE MY HUSBAND MICROWAVE OUR BABY

You can tell there's a problem when you put a baby in a microwave in any instance.

101 Starlicious Makeovers

Oh dear god did anyone else end up watching this drivel on Tv last night? The worst thing about it was Kate Fischer's horrid wooden hosting, closely followed by its redundancy. I didn't realise until I went hunting this morning that it was made in 2004. I realised it was out of date when they got to Anna Nicole Smith and they spoke in the present tense. Other key indicators: not mentioning Britney Spears' spectacular fall from grace and lack of skank talk about the Olsen twins.
Kate Fischer though, was just appalling. She kept sort of tossing her head around, a bit like a horse. And she had this awful hair and this white suit jacket which her breasts seemed determined to spill out of in a most unseemly fashion. Each ad break would yeild this horrible short with her and her arched eyebrows and high hair and ever imposing breasts. Awful.

Cannes Film festival

I think Toni Collette just looked stunning for the opening of Cannes. The colour suited her beautifully, and I was just really pleased to see her looking wonderfully glam. My one criticism is that her gown looks a teensy bit Bridesmaid/Yr 10 Formal, but otherwise, just lovely. I've been looking everywhere for a really GOOD pic, and finally found this.Just stunning. *sigh* I love the boning, very flattering. Weird expression, but we'll gloss over that shall we?

I was firstly very excited to see Bai Ling, of horrid fuggyness, on Channel Seven's news coverage of the event. of the THREE red carpet shots they had of "celebrities" at Cannes, in addition to the actual story of Toni Collette being a judge, they featured Jude Law, someone else, and BAI LING of all people. I actually think this is testament to the fact that they don't actually watch the footage and research it, they simply put it on the TV, assuming I imagine that even though they don't know her, she's on the red carpet, she must be famous. I can only imagine they had her confused with Shu Qi an apprently famous Chinese actress that's actually there for a purpose, or Li Gong who's been is all sorts of things, including Memoirs of a Geisha, and Hannibal Rising.
Seriously though, they must have been really hard up for an MC, they had Diane Kruger doing it. Has she done anything since being the emphatically pathetic Helen in Troy. She wasn't exactly the face that could launch ten ships, let alone ten thousand. IMDB tells me she's done 11 films since then, none of which I know. I rest my case. (I know, the arrogance...)

While on the subject of amazingly gorgeous women however, I had long held that I think Elizabeth Hurley is the most stunning woman in the world. Not a great actress, probably an airhead to boot, but she I think is absolutely the epitome of beauty. Divine. Interestingly as I selected a good pic from Cannes, I realised she is beginning to show her age a little. Not in a bad way, she's just got a couple more lines than when she did that movie where she was the devil with Brendan Fraser. And with Valentino on her arm for the night, who can go wrong...And my second contender, a newer one (I've always loved `Liz) Aishwarya Rai, an Indian Bollywood actress, and incidentally, a advertising lady for Longines watches. (Bit of A&C trivia for you there). She's gorgeous also....

Oh Shappelle Shappelle Shappelle

more at twiigs.com...

Angels and Demons - Dan Brown ***/*

When a world renowned scientist is found brutally murdered, a Harvard professor, Robert Langdon, is summoned to identify the mysterious symbol seared onto the dead man's chest. His conclusion:it is the work of the Illuminati, a secret brotherhood presumed extinct for nearly four hundred years-now reborn to continue their bitter vendetta against their sworn enemy, the Catholic Church.

In Roma, the college of cardinals assembles to elect a new pope. Yet somewhere within the walls of the Vatican, an unstoppable bomb of terrifying power relentlessly counts down to oblivion. While the minutes tick away, Langdon joins forces with Vittoria Vetra, a beautiful and mysterious Italian scientist, to decipher the labyrinthine trail of ancient symbols that snakes across Rome to the long-forgotten Illuminati lair-a secret refuge wherein lies the only hope for the Vatican.

But with each revelation comes another twist, another turn in the plot which leaves LangdonVetra reeling and at the mercy of a seemingly invincible enemy.

Hmm didn't enjoy this as much as Deception Point. It's actually the one book that before reading it had really turned me away from reading the rest of Browns books. Deception point was a breath of fresh air as it had nothing to do with Religion, which I wasn't expecting. Angels and Demons however, as you can assume from the name, ALL about religion, and while it was it;s own story, overall I felt there were too many shades of Da Vinci code and Deception Point to really make it stand out. I only read it over two days because I was sick in bed all day yesterday. Other than that it may not have kept me as interested. Worth a look, but read Deception Point first IMHO.

3.5 / 5

Cold Target - Patricia Potter ***

In the dead of night, Holly Matthews- the wife of a New Orleans senator- takes her son and flees for her life...

At her mother's deathbed, lawyer Meredith Rawson learns that she has a sister- and promises to find her...

As Holly and her son try to start over in Bisbee, Arizona, Meredith begins a desperate search for information on her long lost sister. Almost instantly, her life is threatened and her house ransacked. She finds help - and passion- from an unexpected source. Detective Gage Gaynor is investigating a closed murder case that dead-ends at Meredith's powerful family. As sparks fly between them, they begin to rebuild the past, linking Meredith and Holly in a conspiracy of lies that could shatter their lives- and the dreams they never had a chance to dream....

While the last two lines of the blurb smack of "WTF, where did they pull that from?" this wasn't a bad read. I was very concerned when the recommendation said "Pat Potter writes Romantic Adventure like nobody else" on the back cover, but I actually now think she got a bit of a bad rap. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little sideline romance thrown into a good thriller or crime fiction, it helps you feel for the character if they're in danger, but to have your romance story, with danger thrown in, that's bad. That's not what this was though, even though the comment tried to make me believe so. The love stories do get a little too saccharine though, so not be read with a weak stomach.
All in all, worth the read, not bad for something someone gave me.

3 /5

Weirdest Dream ever

Had the most bizarre dream last night, full of bugs and creepy crawlies, and also a wedding, and a boating accident. By boating I mean canoeing.
So the fragments I remember, there was an Indian wedding at mum's house, and they were getting married sort of over the pool, and there was a big archway thing and dancing and it was a bit Bollywood, floating things in the pool and people sort of coming over the fence near the clothesline and we were sitting down behind the fence at the corner of the house (weird) where the hotwater system is and I was regretting not having my own wedding over our pool! LOL. But even in my dream state I was like "Oh...but even if we'd had it here, I wouldn't have known how to make it look like this!..." And I kept changing outfits.....

And then later in the dream I was going canoeing with T.o.m and I think I fell in the water or something he found very funny cos he was laughing at me.

Lastly there was this whole sequence of events where my bedroom (not really my room as you imagine, some sort of plantation house, *just finished book set in Louisiana so I'm assuming that where this part is coming from...* and it had snakes all over the ceiling and giant shelled bugs crawling up the walls and Mark was trying to calm me down and say it really wasn't that bad....

Freaky freaky stuff.... *shiver*

It's Official!

Official word today that Oral sex is bad for you and can give you cancer.

The Great Roll Debate

Have you ever stopped to think about why you change it?
Not the obvious reason that it has run out, but why do you change it rather than sneaking away and pretending it wasn't you?
Or if you live with only one other person, is it being polite? Is it being courteous to the other person? Is it Shame? Shame of the other person knowing, when they get there, that it was you. Because pixies don't use your toilet paper to make elaborate headdresses while you're at work, so it must have been you who used it.
Perhaps its simply because that's what you were taught to do.....
hmmm

more at twiigs.com...

Ooh me me me I want it

Ooh I love this dress, I absolutely now wish I owned it, in all it's beautiful fuschia glory!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!

Random stuff

EW!!!!!

What began as a faint popping noise in a nine-year-old boy's ear - "like Rice Krispies" - ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear.

"They were walking on my eardrums," Jesse Courtney of Oregon in the US said.

One of the spiders was still alive after the doctor flushed the fourth-grader's left ear canal.

His mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear - "like Rice Krispies".

Dr David Irvine said that, when he examined the boy, it looked as if he had something in his ear.

When he irrigated the ear, the first spider came out, dead.

The other spider took a second dousing before it emerged, still alive. (!) Both were about the size of a pencil eraser.(!!!!)

Jesse was given the spiders - now both dead - as a souvenir. He has taken them to school and his mother has taken them to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helen Mirren turns down Dinner with the Queen!

"It is unheard of for her majesty to extend a personal invitation to dinner to someone who has portrayed her in a film," it quoted a senior palace official as saying.

"We did not expect to be told that the date is unacceptable."

Mirren told the paper that she was invited to dinner at the palace on May 1 but could not attend because she was filming and could not change her schedule.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subway worker sacked for sharing complimentary Coke-NZ

Managers had found video footage that appeared to show Lang giving some of her cup of Coke to a friend.

Bill Clark from the AWU said Jackie admitted sharing her drink with a friend, who had come into the workplace upset.

"They are allowed endless amounts of soft drink if they work there. Her friend came in all upset and distressed, so Jackie took a break, poured a drink and sat down with her," he said.

According to reports the video footage shows Lang giving some of her drink to a friend before refilling it and leaving it on the table where her friend sat.

She has been charged with stealing the drinks, valued at $4, and will appear in court later this month.

MTV Fug-Erin McNaught-y

I'm always sort of secretly cheerful when the Fug Girls fug an Australian, or an Australian Event (i'm hoping for some Logies fug in the coming days). And yet I'm sort of surprised we don't hit the radar more often. Sometimes they disappoint me with their particular choice of B-Grade celeb, other times, right on the money-Natalie Bass..etc...

I must say actually, that McNaughty is actually dressed just the same as a number of horrid looking girls at the Fug Hill Rissole on Friday night. I tell you I didn't know where to look, it was a horrible spectacle in front of my eyes, one girl in a particular mustard outfit....

For Logies fug, this is awful. Horrid horrid advertising Mix.

PLAY!

In a most bizarre turn of events at work today, one of the warehouse boys asks if I can find out where an orchestra is playing. I listen to opera most days at work, so it has been assumed I will be able to find this out.
The catch?
The score is the theme songs from video games....how odd I thought, doubting my abilities to find this weirdness.
I punch four words into Google.
symphony
orchestra
video
game ---hoping this will yeild results....and Bingo, it does.
First link listed does the trick.
Its called PLAY! A Video Game Symphony and its playing at the Opera House if you're interested in paying $80 to listen to Zelda and Super Mario Brothers

Deception Point - Dan Brown ****/*

I'm going to do this one around the other way than usual, because the blurb is one of those ones that can potentially ruin the book if you plan to read it. I was recommended this book by my father-in-law, also an avid reader, and I am most glad he did.
Put aside the fact that Brown wrote an incredibly successful and controversial book, and think of this book only as a book. I will admit that while I enjoyed The Da Vinci Code, I certainly wouldn't have rated it as well as this one. So I went in probably expecting it to be not very good, until this tme actually I had gone so far as to shun the other Dan brown books, thinking he was simply cashing in on his success. Having read Deception Point however, i will seek out his other works, and I hope not to be disappointed.
Essentially while you could loosely say of The Da Vinci Code that its set in Paris, and deals a lot with religion, this book could not be further from that subject matter. I had thought for a while, as another of his books is called Angels & Demons, that he wrote primarily in the religious realm. I think now he writes books that while they are fiction, could be real.....
So, of Deception Point, you could loosely say that it is a book set in Washington DC, in the midst of a Presidential election and deals a lot with NASA and a touch of American Intelligence Agencies, plus some time spent in the Arctic. A compelling read, I found it to be one of those books that once you start, you can't put down again and while you're not reading all you want to do is be reading!!!!
Quite the thriller, if you think you might read it, don't read the below blurb....


4.5 / 5







I warned you.......






When a new NASA satellite detects evidence of an astonishingly rare object buried deep in the Arctic ice, the floundering space agency proclaims a much-needed victory....a victory that has profound implications for the U.S. space policy and the impending presidential election.

With the Oval Office in the balance, the President dispatches White House Intelligence analyst Rachel Sexton to the Arctic to verify the authenticity of the find. Accompanied by a team of experts, including the charasmatic Michael Tolland, Rachel discovers the unthinkable- evidence of scientific trickery-a bold deception that threatens to plunge the world into controversy.

But before Rachel can make her findings known, she realises, perhaps too late, that such knowledge puts her and Tolland in deadly jeopardy. Fleeing for their lives in an environment as desolate as it is lethal, they possess only one hope for survival:find out who is behind this masterful ploy. The truth, they will learn, is the most shocking deception of all....